


The Sin Is Near

by wildcat_88



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Daddy Kink, Drinking, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Hate to Love, Hurts So Good, Just the Tip, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Public Relations, Rey Needs A Hug, Rugby, Slow Burn, Smoking, Teasing, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey, kylo is a bad boy, rugby kylo, savesexuallyrepressedkylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-09-19 22:18:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17010255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildcat_88/pseuds/wildcat_88
Summary: Kylo Ren is not what you could call niceHe is cold, an enigma nobody can figure out. A tongue that spouts profanities and cruelty without thinking about the consequences. His friends have named him the Ice King for a reason and Rey finds that out the hard way.Rey broke free from a past that threatened to hold her down. Still, she tends to stay home and avoid parties at every cost. Her good girl nature always coming to the surface.When she meets the Ice King himself she comes to realize that even with that naughty mouth of his, she can't help being drawn to him.It doesn't help that they can't stop running into one another. They test each other's patience so much so that both believe they will win the battle, they just didn't understand the true test was winning the war...





	1. The Brute

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy my story! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Much love <3

Rey

“Please Rey, it’s just one night. I’m sure your homework will still be here tomorrow.”

I roll my eyes not caring to be discreet, trying my best to ignore my roommate, Rose, whining for me to go to some party with her.

Everyone knows that I, Rey Turner, have no interest in going to parties.

The last place I want to be is in a strange home, full of strangers, especially guys that only want one thing from me. Rose had mentioned it would be at the notorious rugby house. Full of guys that didn’t mind hooking up with whatever they could get their hands on.

Jocks had this air of superiority around them; they thought they were the rulers of college. It had always rubbed me the wrong way.

Rose plops down in the chair across from me, giving me puppy dog eyes. That shit worked with most people, guys especially, but the occasional girl too. Rose flowed both ways, I had always admired that she did what she wanted. A carefree spirit that no one could tie down, I was her complete opposite. I have always been uptight and afraid of having fun. I’m at this university on a scholarship, I can’t afford to lose it or else I’ll wind up right back in the hands of one Unkar Plutt.

The mere thought of him makes me shudder. Even at twenty-one, I know that if I fail my classes I would have to tuck my tail and run back to him. I’m broke, meaning without this scholarship I am irrevocably screwed.

 Unkar became my foster parent when I was at the tender age of five. My parents loved booze and drugs which in the end sent them to an early grave, leaving me alone to fend for myself. Unkar didn’t give two shits about me. He kept me alive, I guess.

I sigh.

If I go to this party with Rose I’ll have to suffer in a stuffy room with too many people and their body heat. _Gross._

Still, I haven’t had a drink in a long time. There really would be no harm if I went out for just one night.

“Fine,” I grumble closing my math book.

Rose squeals, jumping out of her chair to race around the table pulling me into her strong embrace. For such a tiny girl, Rose sure had a lot of power. She herself happened to be a jock, playing on the women’s rugby team. I had been to one of her matches, witnessing the brutality of the sport. These girls threw elbows, fists, not caring to cause each other bodily harm. Rose had winded up with a ton of bruises and one hell of a bloody nose.

Yet, she smiled like she wasn’t in a great deal of pain.

It only made sense we were going to hang out with the men’s rugby team. She had recently met a guy on the team, Finn. We had met a handful of times. Finn seemed to be a good fit for Rose’s eccentric personality, a little bit shyer and reserved than she.

I couldn’t believe he played rugby. He didn’t seem like the type that could throw an elbow and not apologize profusely. Then again I had never been to a match for the men’s team and I didn’t really know Finn all that well. He could turn into a completely different person on the field for all I knew.

Standing to stretch my body, I wince at the sharp pain that shoots up my spine. Sitting in one position for too long had always been a drag on my body. I really did need to let go of all inhibitions tonight and have a good time. It was the least I could do after shunning Rose for so long.

I had never been good at making friends, Rose and I had a class together when we were freshmen. That is how we got to talking and found out that we had a lot in common.

We decided to move in together and the rest from there is history.

 Rose and I both were clean people so it was easy living with her. She also didn’t bring boys over every night like my old roommate. That girl had a different guy every night, not that I would judge her but I hardly got any sleep living with her. She sounded like a freaking porn star, her moans so fake I wondered if the men she slept with cared.

Most likely no, it seemed most guys just wanted to get their dick wet.

I hadn’t had much experience, never getting past second base. It isn’t like I’m trying to keep my virtue, it just happened that way. The guys I had tried to sleep with were dogs, to say the least. They couldn’t even find my freaking clit for fuck's sake.

 I decided it would be best to let things happen naturally. Perhaps a guy that knew what he was doing would come along and save me from my past nightmarish experiences. Rolling my eyes at the silly thought I made my way to my room to start getting ready.

I stare at myself in the full-length mirror. Smoothing my shoulder length brown locks down, I decided that it looked acceptable enough for a party. Grabbing my mascara off my desk I applied a couple coats finishing off with a touch of gloss on my lips.

Tugging jeans on I paired it with a white blouse that showcased a fair amount of my golden skin lined with endless freckles. Where most people hated their freckles, I had always adored them. Maz, a woman I considered my mother, had been the one to tell me how lovely the marks were. Kids used to make fun of me relentlessly but not kind ol’ Maz; no she spoke fondly of me and helped me accept them.

Maz had been my neighbor, an elderly woman that lived alone due to her kids all moving on and getting married. I never understood how they could not visit their own mother. She treated me so well, never minding when I snuck over to escape Unkar’s drunken rants. Maz always made sure to feed me when Unkar forgot. In reality, she had been the one to keep me alive and helped cure the loneliness that ate at me constantly.

I missed her terribly but we still sent letters back and forth. She told me how proud she was of me. I had to bite back the tears that threatened to fall. It was a good feeling to know I was not alone in this life.

Finally, I finished off my ensemble by putting on a pair of knee length boots. Satisfied with my look I grabbed my phone meeting Rose in the kitchen where she was chugging a glass of wine.

Rose always liked to pre-game before any event whether it was for the sorority she dropped out of or when she had to see her family. She always complained about how strict they are. Rose came from a very religious family that didn’t care much for her antics. The pressure made her act out even more. I never judged her though. In my opinion, I liked Rose just fine. She didn’t need to change for anybody.

She gave me a sheepish smile. “I’m a little nervous about seeing Finn tonight.” She confessed setting her glass in the sink, rinsing it out. Rose heaved a deep sigh turning to face me, placing her palms on the counter before she shrugged her shoulders.

“I actually really like him and I’ve never really been one to want a relationship. Yet, I think I want to tell him I want to be exclusive. Do you think I’m crazy?”

A broad smile forms on my face, moving towards her I wrap her in a warm embrace. “Rose, I think if you truly like him you should go for it. I can tell how happy he makes you.”

Rose smiles into my shoulder holding me tight. “Thank you, Rey. I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I scoff. “You’d be just fine. Trust me.”

We pull away, Rose giving me a look that screamed, ‘You know that’s a lie.’

“We should get going.”

Nodding I follow her to her car, sinking into the warm leather seat, hoping tonight would not be a disaster.

***

My back is against the wall, the heat of the partygoers practically suffocating me. People grind against one another, pot smoke infiltrates the air making it only that much stuffier, and the smell of sweat makes my nose crinkle.

Unable to take it anymore I find myself holing up in the bathroom. Of course, this is probably not the best place to escape. Girls would eventually need to relieve themselves after drinking too much.

Still, at the moment it happened to be the quietest place to be. I take a deep breath, noticing I have a smudge of mascara under my eye. Wiping the black away, I get my shit together before returning to the madness outside the door.

I make a bee-line for the keg, pouring a hefty amount of the piss water into my cup. The taste makes me cringe but I finish it off in one go and fill it up once again.

The music is too loud; people have to talk over one another causing me to hear their intimate conversations.

_“We should fuck.”_

_“Have you ever heard of a blumpkin? I just learned what that shit was yesterday and I swear to christ I died laughing. You think a girl would do that for me?”_

_“Did you hear Veronica slept with the whole football team? What a slut.”_

_“Kevin said he loved me, then I found him balls deep in another girl!”_

_“This party blows, speaking of blowing…”_

Unable to take more of this pathetic chatter, I find my way outside. Trying to see if Rose was anywhere in sight. It’s not like I minded Rose ditching me, I just hated this awkward feeling that consumed me. Being alone truly sucked.

When I can’t find Rose, I finish off my beer and head back inside the house. There are so many people I feel like a damn sardine. Topping my beer off I let my eyes wander over the crowd.

These guys must have drunk their milk as a kid because they are huge. Not all that tall, just built like machines. Their shirts and denim jeans hug their bodies showcasing off the muscle they have. The rugby players were known for being in better shape than football, baseball, and basketball players. The rumor indeed truth now that I was witnessing it for myself.

The scars that marred their skin another factor that screamed they didn’t mind the brutality of the sport. On campus, they were classified as brawlers who had no care in the world whether they broke their nose or lost a tooth.

Some of the rumors that I had unfortunately heard were that they were gods in bed. Perhaps it was true but I had no plans to find out if they were merely rumors or truth.

A few girls see me standing by myself and must take pity on me because now they are standing in front of me now. Bright smiles painted on all their faces, some fancy liquor in their hands.

The blonde bombshell speaks first. “Hey! We saw you all alone and thought we’d come to say hi.”

The two tall brunettes next to her nod their heads in agreement. _Twins_. I bet guys had a field day with them. Shaking the thought away I return their much too enthusiastic smiles.

“I’m just waiting for my friend. She should be back any moment.” It’s a blatant lie but they don’t need to know that.

The blonde seems to be smarter than she looks, raising a made up brow. “We’ve been watching you darling and for the majority of this party you’ve been on your lonesome.”

I blush under their scrutiny. Shrugging a shoulder I try to backtrack out of the lie. “She met a guy. You know how that goes.”

The blonde laughs, it’s not obnoxious like I expected it to be. It is soft and sweet. “I totally understand, darling. My name is Lana and these two are Emily and Elle.”

“Rey,” I reply bringing the cup to my lips. Empty.

“Looks like you could use something a bit harder,” Lana says with a sly smirk. She quirks a finger at me in a ‘come hither’ motion. For some reason, I end up following the trio.

All the way to a bar where they whip up some blue concoction that has a tart taste once it hits my tongue. They all laugh at my surprised expression. Lana wraps her arm around me, slightly taller than my 5’5 frame. She is more slender than I am rocking a dress that I could only hope to fit in. The twins are built with more muscle and I wonder if they are rugby players. I’m a bit intoxicated at this point not quite remembering if they were on the team when I watched Rose’s match a month or two ago.

We find a spot on a couch, all falling on it in a fit of laughter. There’s another couch across from us, I don’t really notice who sits there, too transfixed by the huge glass sitting in front of me.

“What the _hell_ is that?” I point at the art piece in front of me.

The twin that I think is Emily smiles, a dimple forms. “It’s called a bong.”

Elle and Lana burst into laughter. “How does it work?” I ask not caring how stupid and naïve I sound. The power of booze.

Emily flicks her attention to whoever is sitting across from us. “Mind giving her a demonstration, Kylo?”

I’m not prepared for the husky voice that speaks. “I’ve already smoked too much but you can show her if you want.”

My eyes drift to where the voice came from. My breath hitches when they land on him. His long arms are stretched out along the back of the couch, legs spread in that way guys sit that I’ve never quite understood. However, seeing him sit in that position has a totally different effect on me.

Masculine is the first word that enters my brain. A certain energy surges around him that I’m unable to explain. Even sitting I can tell how massive he is.

His eyes meet mine, dark, and framed by arched brows, a scar running through the left, another cut through his right eye. No doubt he is a part of the rugby team.

My heart is thundering, his dark eyes remain fixed on my face, nonchalant like it’s nothing new for someone to be checking him out.

Beauty marks dot his face in the form of a constellation, ebony locks fall around his face almost too perfectly. His hair is cut to his jaw framing it in a way that’s borderline sinful. It makes me want to feel the strands beneath my fingertips to see if they are as soft as they look.

Even though he is sitting it doesn’t hide how broad his shoulders are. Enormous. Immense. _Mighty_. The list goes on and on. Broad is too simple of a word to describe those shoulders of his. His upper body is one to be reckoned with.

“Rey?” A voice shakes me from my reverie. Startled, my drink spills over the side of my cup only sufficing to make me blush harder under his severe gaze.

Averting my gaze to the side I see Emily has the large piece of glass settled between her thighs. “This is how it works.” She settles me with a smile, the butterflies in my stomach still swarming regardless.

Emily lowers her mouth, lighting the pot until the mechanism swarms with white smoke. She grabs the bowl pulling it out and inhales the smoke. She blows it out a moment later.

“Want to try?” She asks cocking her head to the side.

I shake my head. “No, thank you. I think my lungs would hate me. I’ll just stick to drinking.”

“Thanks, Kylo.” Emily sets the bong back on the table, he nods his head.

“So, do you play on the rugby team?” I ask Emily and Elle. They both nod their heads.

“Yeah, we’ve been playing since we were kids. We are both here on a sports scholarship.” Elle answers this time, the only tail-tale sign that sets them apart is she has no dimple when she smiles.

“That’s awesome,” I murmur. “Isn’t it painful though?”

Elle’s laugh is even sweeter than Lana’s. “Trust, I’ve broken more bones than I count but the thrill is worth it. Right Kylo?”

They must be friends or something because they keep including him in the conversation.

“Yes.” He simply states, Elle, rolling her eyes at his blunt response.

“We’ve known Kylo since we were kids. Never been much of a talker.” Elle winks at him, he sneers reaching forward to grab his beer, an IPA of some sort. His long, thick fingers curl around the bottle with ease. His hand dwarfs the bottle making it almost comical in his grasp.

“Always been quite the cutie though.” Emily chips in, both of them teasing him without a care in the world.

He doesn’t seem like the type to care much for this kind of banter but the quirk of a smile appears on his face makes me think otherwise.

“What are you majoring in?” Lana chimes in putting the spotlight back on me.

“Oh, um, I’m trying to become a social worker.”

“Any particular reason you want to be that?”

“I came from a family that couldn’t take care of a child. I want to be able to help other kids that are going through what I did.” The candor falls off my tongue due to the amount of liquor in my system. Normally I’m not so talkative especially when it comes to my childhood.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re full of sugar?” Lana exclaims putting one hand on her heart with a dreamy sigh.

I laugh, shaking my head. “No, they usually say I’m full of piss and vinegar.”

Emily and Elle erupt into laughter. “You are a fucking kick,” Emily declares taking a long swig of her blue drink. Whatever is in this has caused me to forgo all my insecurities.

“Any chance I can get more of this blue crap?” I extend the drink towards Lana who in return takes it from me regarding me with a brilliant smile.

“Of course, darling! I knew you would like it.” She takes my glass along with Emily and Elle’s.

Emily and Elle begin arguing over some play they want to try in their next game. Emily states it is reckless and Elle waves her off saying it’s harmless. I eventually tune them out returning my gaze to the brute sitting across from me.

Those liquid black eyes piercing my own. My breath quickens a bead of sweat trails down my spine. I gulp audibly fidgeting with the end of my blouse, anything to distract me from the boy-no, man sitting across from me. His eyes track the movement of my fidgeting; bringing his beer to his full lips, lips no man should ever be allowed to have.

Lana returns juggling four drinks in her hand, Kylo stands to grab two of the glasses border lining on falling from her hands. Now, that he is on his feet I realize just how tall he truly is. He’s as tall as a skyscraper, taller than most likely everyone at this party. 

I can’t stop my eyes from raking down to his biceps, the short-sleeved shirt wraps around them deliciously. They flex, revealing the muscle of his triceps, strong and powerful. I’ve heard that triceps are one of the most difficult muscles to gain and here this guy has defined ones leading to forearms lined with more muscles, veins prominent against his pale skin.

His denim jeans mold around two thick thighs; the guy even has a nice ass for heaven’s sake!

I tear my eyes away when they flick to the spot between his legs where I’m sure I can see the outline of-ugh stop it, Rey!!

My attention is on the dirty carpet beneath me that is until a glass is in my line of vision. Spindly, white scars catching my attention first before I see they are attached to thick fingers that have me thinking things I know I shouldn’t. With a trembling hand, I take it from him, mumbling a quick thanks.

He returns to his seat across from us, Lana plops back next to me. She leans in close enough that I feel her breath against my ear. “Do you want his number?”

My body spans with heat. Had I been that obvious with my perusal of him?

“No,” I whisper vehemently.

“The thing is no one really knows about the enigma that is Kylo Ren. Even Emily and Elle only know some information about him. He comes to these parties but tends to find himself alone. Any girl that may try to flirt with him, he shoots it down. Some of us believe him to be a virgin or gay. I’m not saying don’t go for it but just don’t feel too bad if he rejects you.”

“I’m not interested, so there is nothing to worry about right?” I shoot back hating the way I’m getting all defensive. Lana doesn’t seem to mind thankfully. She gives me a knowing look before standing stating she is going to go look for her boyfriend. I’m confused as to why they weren’t hanging out in the first place but decided not to be nosy.

Emily and Elle give me their numbers before also taking their leave. Now, I’m alone with this man that has my guts in a mess.

He expels a sigh that catches my attention. “So, you here looking for a guy to fuck that tension out of you?”

My spine goes rigid, entire body straightening at the blatant comment. “What did you just say?” I’m sure I misheard him. There is no way the guy who has barely spoken any words in the course of an hour just said that.

“I’m sure you heard what I said.” He drawls, spreading his legs a little wider my eyes darting there for a split moment.

“I’m pretty sure I’m going crazy,” I deadpan, taking a sip of my drink trying to hide my blush behind it.

One dark brow rises. “Am I wrong? You’ve been wandering around this party like a lost puppy. Staring at multiple guys, begging for their attention. Now, you’ve been staring at me like I’m the answer to all your questions. Let me put this straight, I’m not interested in whatever you have to offer.”

I shoot daggers at him, draining my drink in one fluid motion. Standing I realize I’m a lot more intoxicated than I had thought previously. Stumbling a little bit, I right myself. This guy is an absolute prick; using the fact his friends have left to be a complete dick to me. He knows nothing about me and has the audacity to behave as if he does.

He is like any other jock. I figure out that the air surging around him is one of superiority, knowing he can say or do whatever he wants with no consequence. He probably thinks I’m just another jock chaser looking for an easy ride in this life. I have worked my ass off to make myself into something worth being proud of. I’m not about to sit here and let this asshole berate me let alone let him think I’m some gold digger.

“You know nothing about me, dickhead.” The word has his mouth forming into a scowl. I don’t stop there, the booze flowing through me, heating my blood. Begging me to stop but I ignore the plea. “I am not a fucking whore such as you may think I am. I’m not easy and I have worked hard to get into this school. You can believe what you want but don’t think for a second I’m interested in a foul-mouthed, dirty, brute! _Go to hell_.”

If he is shocked by what I said, it doesn’t show. I slam my drink on the table, sticking my tongue out at him like I’m a toddler. Spinning on my heel, I almost lose my balance but persevere and manage to find Rose. She has her tongue down Finn’s throat, clearing my throat I catch her attention.

She smiles up at me, definitely drunk.

“Rey! Baby! Where have you been all night?” She whines, her face forming into a pout.

I chuckle, bending to a knee to hug her giving Finn a high five.

“I’m going to catch an uber home, you two have fun okay?”

“Aww! Don’t _goooo_.” Rose complains holding me tighter.

“I’m tired and I really need to be up early to work on my homework.”

“You better come to the next party with me.”

I really hope this next party doesn’t involve one very tall, very handsome, brute. I think I’d die happy never seeing his stupid face again.

“I promise,” I say before I can think twice.

I wave bye to the two of them, passing the couch where Kylo once sat on his high horse. Now, he is nowhere in sight.

Good.

Seeing him again would be too soon.

***


	2. Confident Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm a confident liar  
> Had my head in the oven so you'd know where I'll be  
> I'll try to be more romantic  
> I want to believe in everything you believe  
> But I was less than amazing."  
> The National

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the feedback I received so far! 
> 
> I truly appreciate it! <3
> 
> Much love!!! <3
> 
>  
> 
>  

Kylo

“You know nothing about me, dickhead.” The insult catches me off guard. I had not been expecting for this little girl to have the guts to stand up to me. “I’m not easy and I have worked hard to get into this school. You can believe what you want but don’t think for a second I’m interested in a foul-mouthed, dirty, brute!” _Go to hell_.”

She sticks her pink tongue out at me, the childish move pissing me off further. It still doesn’t dispel my attraction towards her whatsoever.

The girl’s eyes are so damn pretty, even under the dim light I can see the swirl of green and brown; they convey her animosity towards me. She walks away on unsteady feet, the gentleman inside me demanding I help her get somewhere safe-instead, my stubbornness wins.

The fog in my head clearing, I realize no one has ever stood up to me as she did. My opponents managed to get their hatred across for me by a strong elbow to the ribs, throwing perfectly timed jabs.

It was something you had to get used to when playing the demanding sport. Rugby is not for pussy-ass bitches that can’t handle a punch.

I started playing when I moved from the sunny skies of California to the gloomy weather that is Manchester at the age of thirteen. The last thing I had wanted to do was move to England to live with my Uncle Luke.

 My parents thought living with him would be better than living in the Looney bin. With them I had refused to take my medication, my Uncle being a little more creative than them. He snuck the medication into my food, normally I would have been pissed but I came to understand he had my best interest at heart.

I found myself actually happy in Manchester, my temper, and mood swings still prevalent but not as bad as they used to be.

He checks up on me from time to time to make sure I’m still on my meds. We were never super close. Luke is a bit of an introvert who never wanted to raise a moody, reckless, teenager at the height of puberty. I snuck out all the time, Luke not giving much care or thought to the matter.

Whenever I did sneak out I found myself at the park. That was the place where I learned about the brutal sport of Rugby.

It didn’t take long for me to join the team; Rugby gave me a sense of purpose.

I perfected the sport and in the end, it gave me a full ride to the University of Manchester. Keeping my grades up is an easy thing to manage. I stayed away from parties and didn’t date.

The twins were some of my first friends that I met back when I first moved to England. We went to the same private school, all hating every minute of it. At least with them being at the same University as me, I felt comfortable. They were familiar. They helped me get out of my shell somewhat. I still didn’t talk much at any of these parties but at least I wasn’t sitting at home doing absolutely nothing.

Meeting Rey had me thinking I should avoid these parties. I did open my mouth and accuse her of something but I didn’t think she would take it up the ass. I had to admit my mouth did get me into problems more often than not. I could be brutally honest and most people did not appreciate it.

 Rey didn’t strike me as the type to be so…feisty?

Fuck! I shouldn’t even be thinking twice about her but here I am, hands fucking trembling. The pretending to be “unaffected” by everything wearing off too soon. Checking the time I noted I need to take my nightly dose of Ritalin.

I shoved a hand into my jean pocket retrieving the medication chasing the pill down with a beer. I don’t want to see that girl, deciding to dip out before she returned.

Seeing her again would be too soon.

***

“What crawled up your ass today?” Hux snarls in my face practically spitting venom.

 Blood trickles from his nose due to the elbow I threw at him less than thirty seconds ago. Both our chests rise and fall hard, seconds away from murdering each other.

“Easy mates,” Poe Dameron says separating Hux and I. “Let’s not get our panties in a twist, eh, Hux?”

Hux glares at Poe for a moment, moving his eyes back to meet mine. “Watch your back.” Hux spat, moving away from me wiping the back of his hand across the underside of his nose. He only suffices to smear the blood instead getting rid of it.

Poe sighs. “You two need to settle your differences already.”

“I don’t have to be friends with everybody and that fucking twat grinds my gears. I can’t stand him.”

Poe quirks a dark brow at me, his hair still somehow perfectly styled even though we’ve been playing this scrimmage for a little over an hour now. I swear the guy uses hundreds of products in his hair to make it stay like that. I hardly fussed over my hair, all I did was shower, brush, and let it air dry.

Anything more than that would be a waste of my time.

“We’re on a team Ren. You can’t be the fucking _“Ice King”_ forever.”

“You assholes gave me that name so don’t act like I wanted to be known as that for one fucking second. I’ve never claimed to be anything but a bastard. I don’t care if I have friends or not. All I want to do is play rugby.”

Poe rolls his eyes. “Can you be any more of a jock?”

I shoot him a look filled with daggers. Poe tosses his head back laughing heartily. He clasps his hand on my shoulder.

“Stop being so uptight Kylo. You know I’m only kidding. To be a jock you actually have to try to get a girls number.”

He smirks, meeting my gaze once again. “You are asking for me to kick your ass.”

“Give me a break we both know I’m speaking the truth.”

He’s telling the truth.

That still doesn’t mean I enjoy hearing it.

Due to sticking to studying and avoiding girls besides the twins, I didn’t do really well at talking to women in general.

If Rey wasn’t proof enough to how much of an idiot I could be when talking to the opposite sex I didn’t know what was.

Our coach yelling to hit the showers shakes me from my train of thought.

I ignore Poe’s comment, heading towards the showers. There I strip to nothing washing the sweat and grime off of me. Poe doesn’t try to bring up the previous conversation, thankfully.

Finishing up in the shower I barely have my boxers on when I’m shoved in the back. Growling at being caught off guard I turn to see Hux fuming. So much so I can practically see smoke coming out of his ears. His eyes are twin blades, piercing and unwavering.

“Are you kidding me, Hux? Are you seriously going to be _this_ fucking petty?” I snap stepping forward, he does the same. The tension in the room skyrockets, my fists clench at my sides.

“Have you never heard of an eye for an eye?”

I can’t stop the laugh that escapes me, relishing the way Hux’s brow furrow even more. “I have better shit to do than kick your ass, Hux. _Fuck off_.”

Turning away from him I pull on my jeans. “At least I know how it feels to be inside a woman. Just so you know.” He pauses stepping behind me his disgusting breath wafting across my back.  “Emily’s cunt is as tight as I’m sure you imagined it to be.”

All I hear is Poe yelling something before I see red, rearing around so fast I feel like I gave myself whiplash. My fist pummeled into Hux’s face, a loud groan leaving his lips as he crashed to the ground. Jumping on top of him, I began to rain blows down on him.

No one talked about Emily and Elle in that derogatory way.

They were basically my sisters at this point. I hated the thought of anyone touching them in that way but they were allowed to do what they wanted. I just couldn’t imagine Emily letting this fucker anywhere near her.

Arms hooked under my own stopping the flurry of my fist.

My chest heaved, blood covered my knuckles. Hux’s face a mess, he hardly moved-unconscious, done for.

“You are so fucked,” Poe hissed letting go of me.

At this point, I didn’t care.

 I’m sure I would regret it later.

***

The thing about being the best player on the team you just so happen to be the coach’s favorite.

Of course, he bitched me out stating if I laid a hand on another player again I would be kicked off the team.

 I had lost control, that scumbag pushing a button that set me off like a loose cannon.

If Poe hadn’t stopped me I’m sure I would have killed him.

 Still, I understood what I had to do. I wouldn’t let anyone get to me like that again.

I couldn’t afford to lose my scholarship.

The ache in my hand reminding me that I needed to ice it as soon as possible. I decided to make the trek to the infirmary due to it being a hell of a lot closer than my place.

Walking inside I wasn’t prepared to see Rey holding a dishtowel to her head. Her other hand expressive in the way she moved it, explaining what happened to her.

“I totally didn’t think it was that low! It cut me at my temple, not deep or anything but it won’t stop bleeding so I figured I’d see if I need stitches.”

“No worries, just sign your name here and we’ll be with you momentarily.”

“Thank you!” Rey turns immediately crestfallen when she sees me.

She’s even more beautiful under this light. I’m able to see every freckle dotting her heart-shaped face. They scatter over her nose, across the blush heating her cheeks all the way down to her thighs clad in shorts. The white offsets her golden skin, a natural glow on her face.

My cock seems to enjoy the sight of her too, twitching inside my pants, making me shift uncomfortably.

I nonchalantly sail past her, telling the nurse my issue and take a seat across from her a few minutes later.

She glowers at me, lips formed in a pout. I do my best to ignore how I want to see if those lips are as soft as they look.

Just because I didn’t actively pursue a woman didn’t mean that I was blind. Rey had a lithe body with ample curves, a gorgeous face, and her freckles were killing me. I wanted to kiss every single one just to see if she made a different sound each time.

 An angry huff caught my attention, my gaze drifting to hers. “Out of all the people I could possibly see it had to be you.”

I bark out a laugh, shaking my head. “Trust me; I had no intention of seeing you ever again.”

Her glower deepens. “You really are intolerable.”

I’m unable to stop my eyes from studying the slope of her neck, slender, smooth. A place I could put my hand when I fucked into her hard and fast. Gently squeezing, just enough to give her the sensation I would make my grip tighter.

My body gets hot and bothered just thinking about having her under me. Dick growing thicker with the thought she might let me caress her sweet tits, press my lips to where her pulse thuds in her neck.

“What the hell are you staring at?” She clips out hatred emanating from her gaze.

“None of your business little girl.”

Her eyes go wide before she fixes me with a violent glare. “I am _not_ your little girl,” she hisses. I imagine her nails raking down my back angrily, maddened that she cannot get enough of my cock deep inside her.

“Whatever. Just leave me the fuck alone,” I mutter wishing the nurse would hurry the fuck up.

“What’s your problem, Kylo?”

Hearing my name roll off her tongue has me suppressing a shudder. Her eyes have softened significantly, tracing over my face before meeting my dark gaze.

“I don’t have a problem.”

Her pretty eyes roll. “You and I both know we didn’t exactly start off on the right foot. Don’t forget you were the one who wanted to be an asshole to me for no good reason.”

“Blame me all you like, little girl, I don’t have the patience to listen to you bitch and moan. So, how about we don’t speak to each other.”

Her face goes red as a cherry, rising to her feet in the exact moment the nurse calls her to the back. She lets out a noise of exasperation departing behind the door allowing me to exhale the breath I had been holding since I saw her.

I did not enjoy the way this girl was fucking with my head.

Not one fucking bit.

***

Rey

“Another party?” I ask leaning into the forkful of spaghetti.

Rose nodded, clapping her hands excitedly.

“I don’t know, Rose. I’m not really feeling it.”

Rose groans. Throwing her hands dramatically in the air, then, pointing her finger angrily at me. “You _promised_.”

I give a mirthless laugh. “You ditched me to go make out with Finn for the entire duration of the last party. I’m sure you would hardly notice I was not there.”

“C’mon Rey, you still had fun without me! You met new people! The twins absolutely adore you. They would be so happy to see you tonight. _Please_.”

Rose is wearing those puppy dog eyes of her again. I give in knowing I’m going to regret this immediately. Who wasn’t to say a certain tall, brooding, brute would be there?

I escaped getting ready settling on a yellow summer dress, tugging on my leather coat, and pairing the outfit with my knee-length boots.

I apply a small amount of eyeshadow and a couple of coats of mascara so I won’t look like I just rolled out of bed. Braiding a couple strands of my hair I meet Rose out front heading to the rugby house for the second time in the span of a week.

No doubt Kylo would be there. Hiding out on his favorite couch.

 I shiver thinking about the way his ebony eyes will follow me such as they did at the last party. I shouldn’t want him to look at me, and yet, the thought thrills me.

***

The party is in full swing when we arrive.

 A lot more people have decided to attend this one.

Rose and I have to push through the crowd to get to the keg. She pours us both a beer, shouting over the music she is going to find Finn.

She doesn’t wait for my answer and I have to hold back the annoyed sigh at her ditching me- _again_.

I decide to attempt to find Lana and the twins. They had been excellent company last time, who’s to say they wouldn’t be this time around.

I scan the packed room, searching for tall, dark-haired girls that look exactly the same or for Lana’s platinum blonde hair. Eventually, I pick out Lana in the crowd and make my way over.

Her eyes light up when she sees me. Arms opening wide she shouts. “Rey! It is lovely to see you again, darling!”

She wraps me in a tight hug. I return it glad that I wouldn’t be a loner all night. We pull away, her mega-watt smile still plastered on her face.

“I’m glad you showed up!” She looks down at the beer in my hand. She frowns, shaking a finger. “No nasty beer for you, honey. Let’s get you a real drink.”

I set my beer down, happy to follow her.

 We end up in a den of some sort, lights dim, the twins are by the bar mixing something in a blender.

On the couch sits my worst nightmare.

 A devil in black.

A glass of amber liquid in his massive hand. 

He lifts a joint to his lips taking a hit, holding it in before releasing it eyes falling closed.

All of them are unaware of our entrance.

I walk right by Kylo but his eyes remain shut.

 The twins wrap me up in hugs of their own, a lot warmer than Lana’s.

“You made it in time for our special long island mixture. This one has a few extra flavors added in the mix,” Emily says pouring four glasses of the slush topping it off with a cherry and straw.

“Enjoy.” Elle declares putting her glass in the air.

We all raise them, clinking them together. The liquid is cold when it hits my tongue but so savory I can’t stop drinking it.

“This is amazing,” I moan drinking another large mouthful.

For some reason the skin on my neck prickles.

I peer over to the couch to see Kylo is staring right at my lips wrapped around the straw.

Most people when they are caught looking at you will turn away-no, not Kylo, his gaze remains unwavering. It makes me heat up under the intensity of it all.

I tear my gaze away as if burned, focusing on anything but his face.

His mass of black hair seems a little more styled versus how he looked a couple days at the infirmary. Around his right hand is bandaging.

I wonder what happened.

Probably something due to Rugby.

The sport _is_ violent.

I refuse to make eye contact with him, immersing myself in the conversation that my newfound friends are having.

“I don’t know if breaking up with him here is the best idea, Lana,” Emily comments raising her drink to her lips taking a heavy swig of it.

“The passion is gone. I don’t want to have to fake it all night. I want to have fun.” Lana pouts crossing her arms over her chest.

“Still, Emily is right. You don’t want to make a scene. I don’t think it’s going to roll over well. He’s probably been drinking for hours now, the last thing he is going to be is thinking logically.” Elle explains.

Lana nods in understanding, pursing her pink lips. “I like someone else and he’s here tonight. I don’t want him to think I’m not interested.”

“Maybe he’ll be at the next party. Seriously, Lana. It isn’t worth it. Not tonight.”

Lana picks up her drink, finishing it off.

“Maybe you should have broken up with him before coming to the party.” A gruff voice chimes in.

All our heads whip over to where Kylo sits.

Lana lets out a disbelieving laugh placing her hands on her hips, staring Kylo down. He appears unfazed by the situation, a devil may care expression played out on his face.

“No one asked for your opinion, _Ice King_.” Lana sneers obviously not too happy with his interruption.

“I didn’t say you did,” he drawls, giving a tiny shrug that only seems to make Lana more upset.

“It’s difficult breaking up with someone but I’m sure you’ve never had that issue.”

The jab gets to Kylo, his expression morphs into one of pure contempt for Lana.

“I didn’t know you were so interested in my love life, Lana. What? Do you want my cock or something?” He says in a condescending tone.

I flush at his dirty mouth, drops of sweat bead and trickle down my spine. My body pulsating with too much energy, I despised the way it reacted to him. His dark hair curls at the ends drawing me to those sinful lips of his, where inside sits a wicked tongue.

“No one wants your cock, Kylo. Haven’t women made that blatantly clear at this point?”

“Okay, knock it off, guys.” Emily protested. “Lana if you want to break it off with your boyfriend then go for it. I don’t need you and Kylo biting each other’s heads off over it.”

“Whatever. I’ll catch up with you all later.” Lana turns to me, shooting me a wry smile. “It really was nice seeing you. Talk soon?”

I nod in agreement, she leaves but the tension in the room remains.

I’m getting tired of standing; either I can sit next to Kylo or across from him.

Sighing, I make my choice taking a seat directly in his line of sight. Tucking a strand behind my ear I see Kylo track the movement.

“I guess I don’t feel so special anymore,” I mumble.

“What?” Kylo’s husky voice filters between us. Heat spans the entire length of my body; huffing out a frustrated breath I shake my head.

“I see that you’re just a complete asshole to everyone you meet. I thought you were just picking on me.”

I glance at him from beneath low lashes; he brings the tumbler to his lips finishing off the amber liquid in one swig. Leaning forward he places the glass on the table, hungrily I run my gaze up the veins in his forearm. No man should have fingers so thick and long. Did he know what to do with them? Where to touch that would make me scream his-

 _Oh god_? What is _wrong_ with me! He’s the devil, Rey! Stop fantasizing about his fingers inside of you!

“You hardly know me to be making such large accusations.” His voice is more of a rumble, low and deep that it hits me right at my core.

“Yet, you thought you could tell me I was a whore looking for a fuck. A bit of a hypocrite aren’t we?”

His mouth tilts into a smile, a smile that renders me breathless. There is this violent energy surging around him, the smile representing something almost difficult to put into words. Evil, unforgiving, _cruel_.

“For such a little girl you sure have one sharp tongue, don’t you?” His smile tight, hardly wanting to tolerate the situation he is in at the moment.

I tilt my head to the side, pinning him with an innocent look even batting my lashes just to be extra. “Oh, you don’t like my wit? Are you going to have to punish me, _daddy_?” The word rolls off my lips before I can think twice about it. I even have the audacity to smirk at him like I didn’t throw a bomb into the middle of the room and expect it to not erupt taking us all in its destruction.

His eyes darken.

My skin sizzles, breath hitching due to his carnal expression.

His gaze is savage, burly chest rising and falling fast, nostrils flaring.

I feel like I’m the prey and him the hunter.

I regard the tic under his left eye, jaw clenched so hard I’m sure he’s going to break a tooth. His pupils expand a liquid black that makes me want to drown in them.

“You do need to be punished but not by me.” He finally grunts, hands clutching the back of the couch so tight his knuckles have gone white.

I shouldn’t poke the beast but where would be the fun in leaving him be? I _want_ to test his patience.

“Ah, why not? Am I not good enough for daddy’s hand? I think I need my ass to be spanked until it’s raw.”

My heart is jack-hammering in my chest, not quite understanding where this false confidence appeared from.

 Kylo’s jaw sets stubbornly. He is breathing so damn hard, sturdy chest puffing up and down. I don’t miss the low growl that expels from between closed teeth.

It’s now that I notice Emily and Elle are no longer in the room.

It is just Kylo and me.

 This burning suspense cascading around the two of us.

“Yeah, I bet you would love having my handprint embedded on that sweet ass of yours,” Kylo growls that aloofness he had on a minute ago replaced by untamed need.

“I bet you would love the process of doing so,” I murmured, opening my legs and crossing them again. Pools of black definitely seeing the lace beneath my dress.

Kylo stands to his feet abruptly. “I don’t have time to play with little girls.” On that note, he leaves the room.

I guess it wasn’t that hard to provoke him.

I just hated that I was disappointed I wouldn’t be able to do it more.

Fucking with Kylo….

Well, it had been worth it.

Now, I craved more.

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr :)
> 
>  [Here](http://spikeisinspace.tumblr.com/)
> 
> If link fails to work you can this is my username :)
> 
> http://spikeisinspace.tumblr.com/


	3. Molecules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wanna confess that you own me  
> And we don't rest if we're lonely  
> There's innocence in the moment  
> Maybe now's the time to be alive."  
> -Atlas Genius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always grateful to the people who take the time to even give my story a chance. It's much appreciated!
> 
> I'm having a blast writing these two feisty characters ;)
> 
> Much love <3

Rey

Rose rushes into the house, breathless. She sits across from me, clasping her hands in front of her. A worried look etched on her face. "Rey, I need you to do the biggest favor for me. _Please_."

Quirking a brow at her, I stop scribbling nonsense in my notebook. "Are you okay?"

She waves a hand in front of her. "Totally, fine. I just forgot to give Finn his mouth guard back and he needs it for practice. I have class right now or else I'd do it myself."

"Why in the hell do you have his mouth guard?" I ask baffled.

Rose pushes a lock of hair behind her ear, shooting me a sheepish smile. "Well, we were getting hot and heavy, he asked me to put his mouth guard in his purse. I'm sure you can assume the rest."

Groaning, I try to get the image of them together out of my head. I’m not really in the mood to go anywhere at the moment but Rose would do a favor for me if I asked. So I decide on being nice today. "Is it at least in a case?"

Her eyes light up, happy that I will do her bidding. "Of course! He's at practice right now but he's sitting out until you get there. I'll shoot him a text you're on your way. Thank you so much, Rey!" She wraps her arms around me letting out a little squeal. I refrain from rolling my eyes, patting her back.

She searches around in her purse, handing me the case. I take it with a grimace.

"Where exactly is this practice happening?" I question hoping it wasn’t too far from the dorms.

"They decided to practice at the park today. Usually, it's at the university, which normally I can just run his mouth guard back to him myself, but I guess they wanted to have a bigger spot to practice."

“Geez, this has happened more than once?”

She blushes giving me a slight nod. “We’ve grown quite fond of each other. Plus, he just looks so good after practice. I have to go but thanks again.”

“No problem,” I mumble putting the case into my bag hiking it onto my shoulder.

 Rose smiles rushing out the door.

It's then that I realize that I will no doubt see Kylo.

We hadn’t seen each other since I opened my mouth and called him ‘daddy’ out of all things I could call him.

_Fuck me._

***

I tug my coat tighter around me, the icy wind rustling my hair; freezing my nose in the process. The steep hill overlooking the park gives me a bird's eye view of the players down below. They all seem to blend in their black and red shirts, their shorts match cutting off above the knees.

Making my way down, I keep my eyes ahead of me steering right to where Finn sits on the bench talking to another guy with a mass of vibrant red hair. Finn peers over as if sensing my presence, he jumps to his feet rewarding me with a brilliant smile.

"Rey," he shouts spreading his arms.

 I laugh rolling my eyes and return his strong hug. Drawing away I fish his case out of my coat pocket handing it to him. I have to suppress the shiver that runs through me due to how damn cold it was outside at the moment. I could go to a party wearing no coat and be perfectly fine. Force me out in the day and I could hardly handle the cold for more than a couple minutes. "You are a saint, thank you so much." Finn's accent is thicker than mine when he says ‘saint' I hide my smirk behind my hand.

"You're shivering." The redhead speaks. I immediately note the Irish lilt, next the bruising around his right, a deep swirl of purple, his other a mess of yellow. A cut runs under his lip stitched together. He isn't wearing a uniform, dressed in street clothes, a flimsy jacket keeping him from the cold.

I couldn’t quite understand how these guys didn't mind the icy chill. I don’t think I would ever get used to the weather. I always preferred warmer weather where my skin tone became a even deeper color of copper. The sun always enhanced the array of freckles spanning my body.

"I've lived here all my life and I'm still not used to the cold," I chuckle nervously, shoving my hands back into my pockets.

"We have to get used to it. They used to make us all sit in a tub of ice cold water to get used to playing in the rain. Eventually, you don't even feel the cold anymore. It helps when Manchester get super fucking cold. It's barely a sting at this point." The redhead explains. I'm still distracted by the bruises marring his pale skin. Blue eyes sharp as diamonds meet my gaze, a knowing look on his face.

"I got in a fight with another player on the team. We're practically the same height, he just has a shit ton more mass on him than me. I should have never provoked him. It was a big mistake."

The air seems to turn colder, his eyes widen slightly before tearing away from mine, staring at the ground below him.

"You're up next, kid. Get on the field." A husky voice growls from behind me, my back becomes ramrod straight.

Finn jumps to his feet, saluting my enemy. Chocolate eyes meet mine. "Thanks again, Rey. You're a life saver!" He draws me into his arms giving me a quick peck on the cheek. Rushing onto the field a moment later.

A helpless feeling settles over me. If I turn around I'll be face to face with that mammoth of a man. If I keep walking forward I'll be going in the opposite direction of my car. It's a lose-lose situation.

Slowly, I turn around craning my head back, meeting his dark gaze. Mud is smeared on his cheekbones, a bit of blood runs from a cut across his jaw. His pale skin flecked with dirt, the color of his uniform hides the other stains that no doubt soil it.

 A flush spreads through me, I hate the way he reminds me of some war god prepared for his next conquest, a strange hope flickers through me. Perhaps his next conquest would be me.

"Seem pretty friendly with Finn. I thought you weren't looking for a quick fuck." His lips twist into a cruel smirk.

All that heat I had a moment ago is doused in cold water. Placing my hands on my hips, I bitterly laugh not prepared to back down from this asshole.

"Give me a break. He's my best friend's boyfriend. I'm pretty sure the only one desperate enough for a quick fuck is you."

I hear the guy with the fiery hair stifle a laugh. Covering the sound with a fake cough that has my lips pulling up into a smile.

Kylo looms closer, forcing my attention back to him. He towers over me- so close I could feel his body heat, practically hear the growl rumbling through his powerful chest. I stand taller, quirking a brow, daring him to open his fat mouth and say something.

He remains quiet, studying my face. In return I do the same, drawn to his midnight eyes, the frame of coal-colored lashes making them appear darker.

"I'm not desperate for anything, little girl." He finally snaps, fists clenching at his side.

Scoffing, I shake my head crossing my arms over my chest. " _Sure_ , whatever you say. You're a bit uptight don't you think? Judging all of us on your little pedestal thinking you're better than everyone." I take a step closer to him to the point I'm stepping on his toes. "Maybe you just need to get laid."

His jaw tics, raw fury contorting his features. I actually feel a sense of terror race through my veins. My heart thunders, not prepared for what comes next.

"You offering to help princess?" Kylo taunts.

"Leave her alone."

"Shut the fuck up, Hux!" Kylo rages. I take a large step away from him. Hux comes up beside me placing a hand on my shoulder. It’s a strange comfort.

"I think you should go," He says much too quiet, I’m sure Kylo hardly heard him. This guy is not the same guy he was before Kylo appeared. Was everyone afraid of this man? I’m growing sick and tired of his nature.

"You're nothing but a bully," I yell at Kylo, dark eyes flick to mine staring at me in a way I would classify as untamed.

"You know nothing about me, _little girl_. Best go run home to your dolls." He moves to walk away. I don't know why I reach out clasping my hand on his thick wrist. I'm not even able to wrap my fingers even half way around it. His body is so well-proportioned; I could only imagine the same went for-

_Damn it, Rey! Get on with the program already!_

Kylo tears his wrist from my flimsy grasp, pinning me with a vehement glare.

"You think everyone is going to cower from you. I never will Kylo. I'm sure that your male pride does not like taking hit after hit but you best believe for every insult you make I will have a comeback."

His hand shoots up hovering around both sides of my neck, fingertips a mere centimeter from touching the skin there. His nostrils flare, staring straight at my parted lips.

"I'll hold you to that." He whispers, the heat of his body gone as he runs back onto the field leaving me reeling.

"That fuckhead is so weird," Hux mutters.

Weird…

Definitely not the word I would use for a brute such as Kylo.

_No_ …

Not weird.

***

Kylo

The water sluices off my body. I had left practice so fast I didn't even stop to shower, rather not have the entire team see how hard out I was for Rey.

The mud and dirt mix with the water turning it a dirty color.

My mind strays to seeing Rey earlier, dressed in a large coat two sizes too big for her slender build. The cold had chilled her cheeks making them a rosy color. Her freckles even more prominent.

 Today had been a lot colder than recently. Only a few nights ago she had worn a dress to a party.

I hadn't been able to forget the image of her in that yellow sundress, where matching panties sat on hips that I wanted to feel beneath my hands. Caress the spot between her thighs; see how long it would take her to beg for more.

Wrapping my hand around my growing length, my body shudders almost violently. I stroke it slowly, the water aiding the glide of my hand. Up and down, twisting around the base, a sensation that has my eyes falling closed. I reach out blindly in front of me, slamming my palm against the tile.

I groan, imagining kissing a path along Rey's golden thighs. Use my teeth to strip her of the lace panties she taunted me with.

I wonder how she would smell.

How _sweet_ she would taste.

I may be a virgin that didn't mean I hadn't been a gracious lover in my short-lived relationships.

 I've always been fond of eating a chick out, never caring much for anything in return.

The occasional blowjob here and there happened spontaneously. Still, nothing beat the feeling of having a chick squirming beneath you, your tongue buried deep inside their cunt.

My lips part, a ragged breath escaping between them.

_Damn_ those hazel eyes that put me under her spell.

_Damn_ those lush lips of her, lips I could almost see myself begging to feel against mine.

_Damn_ her for making me want something I never had thought much about.

Biting on my bottom lip I stroke faster, eyes screwed shut. My head dips pressing hard against the tile.

Rey clouds my mind.

I want her so fucking bad.

I thrust into my hand, stroking it harder. My touch is rough, envisioning the way I want to fuck Rey. Hoping she would like more than just vanilla sex. I could fuck her up against a wall, against a table, any-fucking-where as long as she didn’t stop me. My thumb catches the skin around the tip, yanking a moan out of me.

" _Fuck_ ," I growl under my breath not wanting to wake the whole neighborhood with my lust filled cries.

Her name teeters on the tip of my tongue. I know I'm going to lose the battle once I feel my balls seize up, shoulders hunching forward.

"Rey," I moan coming harder than I ever have. Regret washed over me once I come down from the high, hating the pathetic sound of her name ever leaving my lips in the first place.

I towel off angrily, tugging sweats on I'm mostly dry.

Falling back on my bed I pick up my phone noting I have a message from Poe.

Another party is happening this Friday. Immediately, my mind drifts to Rey and if she would be attending.

Slamming my phone down beside me, I slip my fingers into my hair giving them a slight tug.

I'm going fucking insane. I needed to stop thinking about her. Stop touching myself to the thought of being between golden thighs thrusting-

I _need_ to stop these trail of thoughts.

I'm going to hell.

Fuck, I might already be there…

***

I always lose Poe at the start of these parties.

He goes off to find somebody to wet his cock and I find myself on a couch farthest from the crowd. It's always the one in the den, the place hardly anyone ventures inside.

 The night I first met Rey had been a fluke, I was out in the open _, no one_ had been bothering me until the twins found me, and brought her along.

Now, both my hiding spaces were roaming lands for the twins and their Texan friend Lana with the added addition of a little girl that had begun to sink her claws under my skin.

Tonight, nerves wracked me, my leg bounced uneasily.

I was already on my third joint within the span of a couple hours. Needing something to do with my hands. It, unfortunately, didn't stop my mind from racing.

"Hey, Kylo," Emily and Elle both say as they enter the room walking straight to the bar in the corner.

Emily gave me a strange look, seeing my hunched over form. Normally, I looked as if nothing could bother me; right now I know that didn't ring true.

Keeping my eyes down I grabbed my glass of whiskey, draining it in one go. Grabbing the bottle to pour a hefty amount more.

"You look so sexy tonight!" Lana squealed. "Are you trying to impress somebody?"

"Uh, thank you but I just wanted to dress up. Try something new." Rey stammers, the sound endearing. Clenching my jaw I ignore the way my heart begins to pick up in speed knowing she showed up.

The joint in between my fingers is shaking signaling that I'm fucking trembling.

I force my gaze up to see Rey walking towards the bar. I'm sure my gulp is audible enough for everyone to hear.

 Rey wears a long-sleeved mesh shirt with a tiny tank covering up her perky tits. It is obvious she is not wearing a bra. Her pleated skirt a mix of black, white, and red is hiked up high revealing only a sliver of her abdominal muscles.

 Heatedly I take in the knee-high socks paired with combat boots. More slivers of golden skin revealed to my hungry eyes. Snapping my attention back to her face it is now out of sight, focusing on the drink being handed to her.

_Look at me._

_Fucking look at me._

_Please._

I'm begging but I need to see her eyes, those hazel eyes that have me twisted up inside.

She takes a sip of the fruity bullshit, laughing at whatever Elle just said to her. I can't even focus on the words coming out of any of their mouths, too transfixed by how beautiful Rey is.

If I were anyone else I would have made a move by now. I wasn't anyone else though-no, I was a twenty-three-year-old virgin-awkward, moody, and a total fucking mess. She didn't need that baggage.

I'm so far gone in my head that I don't notice Rey taking a seat in front of me until her pretty voice tears me from my thoughts.

"What?" I say almost breathlessly. Feeling a blush stain my cheeks due to how stupid I sounded.

"I would say I'm surprised you're here but I'm not." She mused. A glint of mischief in her pretty eyes.

I'm glad they are fixed on me.

 It takes a lot out of me to keep my face passive.

"Are you stalking me or something?" _Smooth_ you fucking _dipshit_. Her smile falls replaced by an exasperated look.

"I have better things to do than stalk you, Kylo."

**_Ah_ ** _, **fuck**._

_Say my name again._

_Fucking please say it again._

"Let me guess, playing with your stuffed animals and Barbie dolls?" I quip continuing to dig my own grave.

She tilts her head to the side. Pondering me for a moment before straightening. "You know I'm not really a little girl right?"

"Could have fooled me."

"Then you must be a sick pervert for wanting me." She speaks the words so nonchalantly I almost choke on my own spit.

A wicked smirk forms on her face. Reaching to grab her drink she takes a sip, the straw between her painted on red lips.

"I have no interest in you whatsoever." Liar.

"You keep up this bravado that you think does you so much good. You can't honestly think anyone is going to want to be friends with you when you're always being a complete asshole to them. I already told you I won't let you walk all over me."

"Stop acting like you fucking know me. You bitches are good for one thing and that ain't running your mouth."

Her brows creep into her hairline, completely caught off guard by the insult.

Shame drenches me, wanting to push rewind and never repeat those words again.

No one would believe I had been raised to be a gentleman. If Luke heard what I just said he would have beaten me to a pulp.

"You can go fuck yourself, _asshole_." She hisses standing to her feet.

How the hell did the twins always escape unnoticed? I was beginning to sense they saw something brewing between Rey and me. They just didn't understand it was far from love.

I toss back my whiskey, also rising to stand. Prowling around the table I move into her space, seeing the rage boiling in her eyes. Her chest falls and rises fast, teeth gritted as I draw closer.

"Don't you dare come any closer," Rey demanded, stopping me in my tracks.

"What are you afraid of? Huh? Do you think I'm going to hold you down and have my way with you?"

Her eyes narrow. "I'm sure you would love nothing more than to have your way with me, Kylo."

"I don't know how many times I can say I don't have time to play with you, little girl."

Her lip curves to one side. "Okay, _daddy_ , whatever you say."

Before I can stop myself I grip her jaw between my thumb and four fingers. Leaning in so close our lips are a hair's breadth away.

"Stop calling me that," I warn tightening my hold.

Her expression remains defiant. "I'll call you whatever I fucking want."

I growl, baring my teeth at her. She hardly flinches.

"You have no power over me." She breathes; it smells like peaches and all things pure.

My lips draw closer to hers. "Maybe I don't but I see the way you look at me. If you want to get laid, then you need to broaden your horizons. I can't give you what you desire."

She twists away from me, pushing me hard enough for me to stumble back slightly.

"I've never wanted a single damn thing from you. You've been an asshole since we first met. I really don't know what your problem is but you're hopeless. I feel bad for the girl that falls for you only to have her heart ripped to shreds. You must think you're _really_ _fucking cool_ , Kylo. I'm not sure where your ego comes from but I highly doubt your cock is _that_ big."

She turns to leave, but I grab the inside of her elbow pulling her back to face me. Not ready for her to leave yet, especially not after she talked shit on my manhood.

"You drive me up the fucking wall," I mutter an insatiable longing to taste her washing over me when I meet her stubborn gaze.

Guiding her to the couch I place a hand on her shoulder forcing her to sit, I drop to my knees before her. Stubbornness morphs into wariness, her knees press together both of us unable to break eye contact.

"What are you doing, Kylo?"

I groan. "My name sounds so good coming out of your mouth.

She gasps, fisting the material of her skirt.

"You may make me insane and want to be nowhere near you… but I _need_ to taste you baby girl."

"Taste me?" She stutters, the vein in her neck pulsating.

I place my calloused palms on her knees, my fingertips digging into the supple flesh of her thighs.

" _Please_."

"K-Kylo anyone could walk in," she hushes out, legs quivering beneath my grasp.

"Then let them fucking watch. Let me taste you, Rey."

I part her thighs, hooking both legs over my shoulders using my broadness to keep her legs apart. My breath comes hard and fast, warming the small space. I press a shaky kiss to the inside of one golden thigh.

She shudders, legs spreading a little wider.

She wears only a thong, I'm able to see even that sweet ass of hers is dotted with freckles. Dipping closer I run my nose along her panty clad slit.

My name falls off her lips, breathless and wanting.

I'm about to give her what we both want when Poe's boisterous laugh draws closer startling the both of us.

 He always checks up on me at some point during the party, especially if he didn't land any tail. I hurriedly pull my head out from beneath her skirt.

Her face is bright red, I'm sure mine matches hers. I stumble to my feet, noting the massive erection I'm sporting. Rey flicks her gaze down, mouth falling open as she gapes at my boner.

Reaching inside my boxers I adjust myself. We're both panting making the situation even more suspicious. I return to the opposite couch, lighting up a joint leaning back.

Doing my best to act like I wasn't about to eat out the hottest chick in existence.

 Doing my best to act like she hadn't been about to let me do such a dirty act to her.

Poe enters a minute later, heading straight towards me he plops down beside me.

"You are so easy to find, Ren. You really need to make this more challenging for me."

"Whatever," I mumble reaching for my glass of whiskey.

"And who do we have here?" Poe asks.

"Rey." Her voice is taut.

"I'm Poe. You friends with Kylo?"

"I would hardly call it that."

Poe raises his brows at hers, darting his eyes over to me for a split second before returning to her.

"Then what would you call it?"

Rey jumps to her feet. "Well, I have to go, nice meeting you, Poe."

She hurries out of the room not even glancing once at me.

It's a punch to the gut.

"So you going to explain what that was about?"

"Not on your fucking life."

"I thought so." He laughs patting my back before dipping into his own stash of pot.

I had been so fucking close to tasting Rey.

Now I wasn't so sure I'd ever get the chance to do so again.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for your comments <3
> 
> XOXO


	4. Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're just a million little gods causing rain storms  
> Turning every good thing to rust  
> I guess we'll just have to adjust."  
> Arcade Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all my amazing readers! 
> 
> Much love <3

Kylo

_Something filled up_

_My heart with nothing_

_Someone told me not to cry_

_But now that I’m older_

_My heart’s colder_

_And I can see that it’s a lie_

The music flowed out of the stereo, my hands behind my head as I stared at the unchanging ceiling.

A dull white, empty, like me.

Or so I had previously thought I was empty, numb and unfeeling. The anger just an emotion that fueled my day to day life. The adrenaline kept me going, without it I would lay just like this until I no longer existed.

Now, with Rey in my life, I felt a spark inside me I had never known before.

It irritated me that I didn’t even understand what I felt. The feeling new and painful. Rubbing my hand over where my heart sat inside, I tried to soothe the tension that was building there.

Closing my eyes I let my thoughts run astray.

Her hazel eyes, the feel of her skin against my lips. The smell of peaches flooding my senses. Between her thighs the wet spot that I had been so close to tasting taunting me. She had turned red as a cherry, such a lovely color on her. It contrasted with her golden skin, giving her this ethereal glow.

How I wanted to bury my tongue inside of her, taste her essence. Take whatever she had to offer.

Knowing she hadn’t pushed me away drove me crazy.

 I had gone down on only two chicks, the rest who I had shared nothing more than heavy petting with shoved me away. Embarrassed or either didn’t want my face anywhere near that space. Some girls were too much of a primadonna to forgo their pride for a mind-numbing orgasm.

Rey had been the most willing girl to date, spreading her thighs wider for me letting me see the shape of her perfect cunt. The quiver of her body only made me grow harder.

My favorite part when eating a girl out was the sounds they made, the way they reacted, I’m sure if I had heard Rey moan I would have been done for. She was already causing me to lose all sense of rationality.

I knew her type.

She would eat me alive.

I couldn’t afford to be distracted, even if Rey happened to be too pretty for her own good.

Still, I would keel over and die if I saw her with another guy. I would never admit how much I wanted her to be mine.

That way of thinking was dangerous.

That kind of possessive behavior is what my parents had always worried most about me. I could go a little off the wagon if things didn’t go my way. Reason being why they sent me to another fucking country.

I tended to ignore their calls, not able to forgive them for abandoning me.

Loneliness has been my biggest enemy. I’ve tried to say I’m not alone. I have Luke. I have a couple of friends if that’s what someone could call that. I hardly shared any personal information about myself with anyone not even Poe.

I was a fucking basket case.

It was no wonder why most people despised me.

Not even my team cared much for my presence.

Huffing out a frustrated breath I dispel my racing thoughts.

I pray for sleep.

***

My heart pounds hard, long legs eating up the distance between my opponent and me.

Before he reaches the goal I wrap my arms around his waist successfully tackling him to the ground. The whistle blows, I stand to my feet receiving a death glare from the guy still on the ground.

I flip him off, walking towards where my coach stands to get all the players in a huddle.

Our coach is a burly man, easily reaching 6’6 or more. His beard and hair is a mess of curls, he seems not to care too much that he looks like a lumberjack. His Russian accent heavy and thick. Half the time I can hardly understand what he is saying. I normally just run over the plays and do what I want with them.

He doesn’t appreciate that.

I’ve been sat on the bench multiple times due to my stunts. He won’t ever kick me off the team. Coach Chewy understands that I’m too valuable to lose. Our team always does shitty when I get benched.

The stands are full today, I’m not surprised. Rugby is popular on our campus; most of the university attend along with friends and family that can’t miss out on the violence of it all. First blood always makes the crowd go crazy. I tend to wind up with at least some cut accompanied by countless bruises. It doesn’t help that I’m pale as fuck, the swirl of black and blue always noticeable on my skin.

“Kylo, great tackle, but you can’t be flipping off the competition. The referee saw and wants you to sit out for the rest of the game.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I say in disbelief.

Chewy shakes his head. “I already told you your behavior has consequences, now, take a breather, and fucking relax.” He snaps pointing to the bench.

My fists clench by my sides, he stares me down until I finally take a seat my rage boiling over. I can feel my body beginning to tremble, watching as my teammates file back onto the field. Ready to continue the battle I was mistakenly taken out of.

I can’t stop my knee from bouncing up and down. My mind is racing a thousand miles per second, the darkness creeping through my veins. That unbearable feeling that the walls are closing in causes me to panic, my breath grows labored. I forgot my pills at home not believing I would need them. Usually, I keep them in my gym bag; today I decided I didn’t need to rely on them.

That decision had been a huge fucking mistake.

Standing to my feet, I tugged at my collar noticing dozens of eyes were staring at me. Sweat danced down my spine, more slipping down the side of my jaw. I must look wild, untamed. Huffing and puffing like I had run thirty miles without stopping.

My heart stopped when I met hazel eyes that peered at me with an almost worried look.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Ren?” My coach snapped coming up beside me.

“I-I’m fine,” I mutter, trying to walk but feeling like I’m on a boat. Swaying back and forth, unable to maintain my balance.

_I’m not fine._

_I’m having a fucking panic attack_.

“Kylo, you look like you’re about to pass out. You need to sit down.”

The voice sounds as if it were underwater. My vision is honing in and out.

All I hear is the sound of gasping before everything goes dark.

***

Rey

The crowd jumps to their feet, I included when Kylo begins to fall forward, his coach barely managing to catch him. Kylo is lifeless in the burly man’s arms. The man gently lowers them both to the ground, cradling Kylo’s head, the mass of ebony hair falling around him like a dark halo.

Poe sprints across the field towards where Kylo lays, he shouts for somebody to call for help. Finn has his phone to his ear already, his mouth moving so fast. The whole entire team has rushed forward hovering nearby.

The opponents all on one knee in a show of respect.

Kylo comes to a moment later, obviously panicking due to not knowing what the hell just happened. Poe is talking to him; hand on his chest keeping him from standing. The crowd all heaves a sigh of relief taking a seat, patient to what happens next.

Poe and their coach helps Kylo stand, he tries to push them off but they don’t relent.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have decided to cancel the remainder of the game. We apologize but we will definitely reschedule this game and hope to see you all there.” An announcer says over the loudspeaker.

People understand, beginning to pack their things up to head out.

I find myself heading to where Poe and Finn are both talking to Kylo. Poe sees me first. A gentle smile spreads across his face. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear nervously, returning the smile.

“Why the fuck are you smiling like that?” Kylo growls.

Poe nods his head towards me, Kylo peers over his shoulder noticing me. I give an awkward wave watching his features darken before he turns to face forward again.

I come back into his vision, giving a Finn a quick hug.

“Hey Poe, how are you?”

“A little on edge after seeing this brute pass out. Were you trying to give me a heart attack?” Poe exclaimed, shaking his head.

“I don’t even know why it happened so don’t blame me for your weak heart,” Kylo grumbled, a blush tinting his cheeks.

“Um, I’m glad you’re okay,” I say stumbling over my words. Butterflies swarm in my stomach.

“Thanks,” Kylo says standing to his feet, towering over me.

Our eyes lock, a strange look passing between the two of us. The last time I had seen him he had his nose pressed against my most intimate spot. Conjuring up the image proves to be detrimental to my health; my body igniting like a firecracker.

“Well, I called off the ambulance. I’m going to head out. The Halloween party is this Friday right Poe?” Finn asks shrugging on his coat over his uniform.

“Yes, it starts at nine like usual. Make sure to wear a costume or you can’t enter.”

Finn barks out a laugh. “You know Rose already picked out our couples costume.”

“Oh yes, how could I forget that you two are going as police officer and prisoner.” Poe chuckled patting Finn on the back.

Finn rolled his eyes saying goodbye to us all.

“So, are you two going to be gracing me with your beautiful selves this Friday?”

Whiskey-colored eyes flitted between Kylo and me.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.” Kylo rasped stuffing his jacket into his bag.

“And you miss Rey?”

“Um, yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Great! I’ll see you both there then!” He waved bye leaving us alone. Chewy walked by telling Kylo he was glad he was okay, Kylo thanked him, and then we were officially by ourselves.

Storm clouds appeared in the sky, both of us standing there just staring at each other.

“What are you going to be?” I finally ask fiddling with the end of my shirt.

“The Devil.”

I’m honestly taken by surprise by his choice. “Interesting.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Figured it suited me best.”

“You’re not as bad as you think you are. I think on the inside you are just a nice guy. You’re just putting on the tough guy front.”

He scoffs. “Whatever you say. I got to go.”

“I’ll see you at the party?”

“Sure.”

Without another word, he walks off.

Who knows what will happen at the party.

All I know is I can’t wait.

***

Rose gapes at me when I finally emerge from my room. Biting on my lip I wait for her to say something. When she doesn’t I think I made a mistake in choosing this outfit that reveals a bit too much skin for my liking.

“It’s too much isn’t it?” I fretted smoothing down the short skirt that showed off the golden expanse of my thighs. The garters attached to what lay beneath. The white corset emphasized my slender frame, giving my chest a little boost. Wings hung freely on my back, halo laying neatly on my curly hair. The heels that adorned my feet making me slightly taller.

Rey stepped closer wearing her police uniform that too was a bit on the skimpy side. Still, I had only decided to dress as an angel once I heard Kylo was going to be the devil. The notion to do so had been silly and now I was regretting my decision.

“You look fucking amazing!” Rose screamed clapping her hands together with delight.

“Really?” I murmured.

“Whoever you’re trying to impress, they aren’t going to know what to do with themselves.”

“I’m not trying to impress anyone.” The lie falling off my lips a little too easily.

Rose narrows her eyes. “Sure, you aren’t. Normally, you could care less about Halloween, and yet here you are looking like you’re ready to lose that pesky virginity of yours. So, tell me who is this person that has you stepping out of your shell?”

“Well, he’s on the rugby team.”

“Go on,” Rose declares waving her hand impatiently.

“His name is Kylo.”

Rose squeaks. “The Kylo Ren?”

“Is there someone with the same name as him?” I tease checking myself out in my compact mirror, ensuring that my makeup hasn’t smudged.

“I just can’t believe you have a crush on the Ice King out of all people.”

“He can be quite the asshole but I don’t know. He’s hot and you’re right, maybe it’s time to just go for it and get laid.”

“Well, just be careful. Finn says the guy has quite the temper.”

“I know. I’m not saying I’m going to fall in love with the guy. Just have a little fun.”

Rose doesn’t seem to believe me, only casting me a wary look before we make our leave to the party.

We arrive into the familiar haze of smoke and gyrating bodies. The people who showed up on time already obliterated. Everyone is wearing a costume making me feel a little better in my get up. There are girls that are basically wearing scraps, guys panting after them in the hopes for a nip slip.

Rose and I go our separate ways. I find myself not wasting time heading straight for where I know Kylo will be. Lana and the twins are chatting excitedly with their mixed drinks in hand. The smoke filling the air my only indication that Kylo is in fact perched on his favorite couch.

I don’t beat around the bush, gazing at him feeling my mouth go dry in the process. Kylo wears pitch black jeans, a matching belt slipped through the loops. A pair of black combat boots on his feet. Leather jacket wide open revealing the pale skin of his ripped stomach and broad chest.

My eyes fall upon the scars that mar the skin, drifting up to take in his ebony hair that curls at the ends. An unruly mess. Finishing off the ensemble is a set of red horns that look as comical as the halo that sits on my head.

His arms are spread across the back of the couch, a devil-may-care expression sketched upon his annoyingly handsome face.

“Holy shit, Rey! You look _hot_!” Elle squeals bounding over in her Mad Hatter costume. Emily the rabbit and Lana dressed as Alice.

“You all look amazing, I like that you all went for a theme.”

“Halloween just happens to be all of our favorite day of the year, so we tend to go all out,” Lana explains twirling a piece of her blonde hair.

My back straightens when I smell the prominent scent that belongs only to Kylo. It’s a mix of musk and citrus that I find strangely intoxicating. He breezes past us heading straight to the bar where he grabs a bottle of Irish whiskey.

“Geez, Kylo. You’re going to give your liver a run for its money.” Lana jeered a hint of disgust in her tone.

Kylo opened the bottle taking a swig out of it, my eyes latched onto his corded neck. Hypnotized by the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. He pulled the bottle away swiping the back of his hand over his mouth.

“You drink those fruity bullshit concoctions and think that your liver is any better off than mine?” He quipped. Dark eyes flashing with danger.

“Fuck you, Kylo.” Lana hissed.

“You wish.” Kylo returned to the couch smirking at Lana as he did so.

She lunged forward, Emily and Elle grabbing her before she could get to Kylo. They dragged her out of the room. I didn’t follow instead I found myself in a déjà vu moment where once again I sat across from him.

I can’t stop from looking at the slight bump hidden by the zipper of his jeans knowing that whatever lay beneath matched his massive frame. I may not get along with Kylo but I’m sure the hate sex would feel amazing.

I’m sure Kylo wasn’t a virgin. Not with the way he was so prepared to go down on me. From what I’ve heard most guys don’t even like doing that. I read countless blogs where girls talked about their man refusing to go down on them and still demanding they give oral to them. They went on to say if you snag a man willing to eat your pussy like it was their last meal then you had found yourself a keeper.

I wouldn’t say Kylo is boyfriend material. He was too volatile, saying things that were cruel, and insensitive to the whole female population. I didn’t like it one bit. Kylo needed to be taken off his pedestal and brought back down to earth.

I can’t help but remember how he looked kneeling before me. A feeling of power surged through me. I believed that’s exactly where Kylo belonged-on his knees begging to taste me. The way his pupils engulfed the entirety of his irises, the shuddering breath on the inside of my thigh, nose pressed against me-yes, it had been the most exciting moment of my life.

I wanted that power again.

I craved it.

“Stop looking at me,” Kylo growled grabbing his glass of whiskey angrily. He drained it, pouring another hefty amount inside, and tipping it back such as he did the previous one.

I crossed one leg over the other, wearing a smirk that wavered slightly. “What are you going to do about it?”

His jaw clenched, the veins in his neck pronounced from increased adrenaline.

“Don’t test me, little girl.”

“But it’s so fun to play with you, daddy,” I purr. Kylo brought some other side out of me that even though I appeared as an angel all I wanted was to be corrupted.

“What did I say about you calling me that?” His voice low, _intense_.

I place my hand on my cheek innocently, pondering the thought knowing full well I was only sufficing to poke the beast.

“Hmm, I can’t recall you ever telling me not to say that.”

“Stop fucking with me, Rey. I’m not in the mood for this cat and mouse game, not tonight.” His tone angry, fed up. Long fingers thrusting through his wavy locks managing to not knock off the horns on top.

“Then talk to me.”

“Talk?” He grunted pinning me with an unsure look.

I pull my lip between my teeth trying to hide my smile. “Yes, haven’t you heard of talking?”

“I’m not a fucking idiot. I just don’t understand why you would want to talk to me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

A shadow cast over his face. “We’re not friends. As far as I know you and I hate each other.”

“I guess we haven’t been particularly friendly to one another.”

“No, we haven’t. I don’t plan on that changing.” I watched him light another joint. Watching him pull away from the conversation. Ebony eyes lowering, fixating on the ground.

Kylo was not an open book. I usually had a pretty in-depth understanding of people, the ability to read their emotions but Kylo was like no one I had met before. A raging inferno always prepared to maul whatever may be in his path and yet so quiet, so closed off from the world.

I couldn’t figure him out.

I stared harder. Analyzing him to the point it was sure to piss him off.

Then I saw it, the subtle trembling of his hand due to the way the joint shook. He was barely holding himself together.

It reminded me of what happened at the game. I had seen the raw fury when he was cast aside, unable to play. He seemed unable to stop moving, standing so abruptly he caught the attention of a handful of people’s attention. There had been sheer panic written across his face, chest rising and falling so hard he seemed breathless. I had never witnessed such a thing before.

“You’re nervous,” I mutter. He whips his eyes up to meet mine, explosive and unforgiving.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

Breathing out a whoosh of air, I gather what is left of my courage. I had managed to get this far, just had to keep pushing.

He’s not scary.

He’s not scary.

Oh, god, he _is_ scary.

“When you’re playing rugby you get to zone out. You stay focused. Outside of playing you smoke and drink to help numb yourself to the situation of being forced to open up. You appear unbothered but that’s far from the truth. You’re nervous. Talking to people makes you nervous. Your mind is probably spiraling right now.”

Harsh pants escaped him. Eyes ablaze with contempt for me. “You’re a little fucking brat. I can’t _stand_ you. You don’t fucking know me, so stop trying to figure me out before I-” The threat stops, a look of shame overcoming him.

He stands to leave, I’m on my feet rushing after him, catching the sleeve of his jacket before he could escape. He whirls fast on me, hand circling around my neck with a modicum of barely controlled pressure. Lowering his face to the point our lips were a mere inch apart.

“Little girl, you best not follow me.” His breath mingles with mine, my thighs rubbing together, core tightening with need.

“Kylo.” His pupils dilated at the sound of it. “I just want to have fun.”

“Fun? What kind of fun are you talking about?”

“Fun…where you get to taste me,” I whisper blushing under his scrutiny.

Suddenly, he’s steering me out of the room, through the crowd not giving a fuck about the nasty glares shot his way. We ascent up the stairs past a room where music blasts out of the speakers stopping in front of a red door that he opens pulling me inside behind him.

“Is this your room?” I ask.

“Yeah, I just choose to not stay here. I have my own place a couple miles from here.” He mutters, shrugging off his jacket flicking on a light.

I take my halo off and wings placing the items on the dresser, Kylo walks to a stereo turning it on. I’m unprepared for the soothing sound of Arcade fire playing. I had assumed he preferred metal or rock. I had been sorely mistaken.

The room is tidy, probably due to hardly being used. Bare and mostly empty with nothing more than a king-sized bed layered with black sheets sitting in the middle of the room, end table to the right of the bed, and a desk where the stereo sat to the left.

Now, that I looked to the left I was rewarded with the large expanse of Kylo’s burly back. His trap muscles bulged as he hunched forward. I had never been this close to a man before. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. All that false bravado fleeing when I needed it most.

I glance at him beneath low lashes, seeing him draw closer to me. My heart beats a crescendo when he stands before me. A warm trembling hand slides to the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him, lips dragging up the side of my neck, my pulse beating hard and fast. I’m able to feel the shudder that passes through him as his teeth sink into the tender skin of my jawline.

“You’re lonely,” I murmur, his eyes lock with mine. He presses even closer to me until I’m able to feel the hard ridge of his cock against my thigh.  Taking my jaw in his hands he presses a chaste kiss against my mouth.

It is timid.

Almost like he’s never actually kissed before.

“I’m so lonely,” Kylo pants against my lips. His brows furrowing at the confession.

“You don’t have to be.” My body is quivering as I reach up placing my shaky hands on his wrists.

His facial expression darkens significantly. “I’m meant to be alone.”

“No one is meant to be alone,” I say almost indignantly. Calming myself before saying. “Let me _help_ you.”

His dark eyes search my own, thumb tracing the skin along my jaw.

“Damn you, little girl.” The grip on my jaw tightens, his lips crash upon my own. Urgent and desperate. I hardly had a moment to react, his tongue pressing to the seam of my lips. Closing my eyes I opened my mouth, granting him access.

The kiss is inexperienced, sloppy, and yet all that more amazing for it.

His hands slip down to my waist, gripping them. Fingertips sinking into the skin there. My arms wrapped around his neck forcing me to stand on tip-toe. His broad chest pressing against me, body heat warming me from the inside out. Kylo lifted me with practiced ease, lowering me onto the bed his body fitting between my legs.

He dragged his cock roughly against my panty clad slit. We both moaned into the kiss, the roll of his tongue becoming fluid and not so aggressive.

Kylo tore away from me; lowering himself to kneel on the floor he grabbed my hips yanking me towards the edge of the bed. This time he wasted no time in shoving my panties to the side licking a strip from bottom to top. My back arched, a gasp ripping out of my lungs.

“Fuck, I knew you’d taste sweet,” Kylo panted tearing the white lace apart.

“Those were expensive,” I protested. Kylo smirked using his thumbs to part my folds. The tip of his smoldering tongue flicks my clit and I feel all protests die on my lips. He sucks hard and I’m sure I almost come right then.

He licks up and down fervently, delving his tongue so deep inside I clench around the muscle. Kylo groans, sounding like a wild animal. He reaches underneath cupping my ass in his two large palms, squeezing them tight.

“You’re so fucking wet. I want to fuck you, feel how tight you are around my cock.” He grunts, breathless as he flattens his tongue against me. Licking and sucking in earnest. Fingertips glide along the wetness, smearing it back and forth before one thick digit starts to sink inside. My mouth falls open; it’s an overload of sensation.

My legs tremble, core clenching around the finger that moves in and out of me before curling, rubbing a spot that has me seeing white. His mouth sucks hard on my clit; spasms rack my body, violently shuddering as he holds me down still licking the extremely sensitive area.

I’m surprised by how quickly he got me off. I had touched myself a couple times but it had been boring and uneventful.

With Kylo it had taken him a few minutes to bring me over the edge. He presses a kiss to my mound, moving off of me to give me space that I didn’t want.

“Kylo, are you a virgin?” I ask coming down off the amazing sensation.

He wordlessly moves off the bed finding his jacket pulling it back on.

“This won’t happen again.”

Then he’s gone.

Shutting the doors in my face once again.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO :)


	5. Muddy Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I will ask you for mercy  
> I will come to you blind  
> What you’ll see is the worst me  
> Not the last of my kind."  
> -LP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!!
> 
> Thank you to all my amazing readers <3
> 
> I apologize for the slow burn! Next chapter be prepared ;)
> 
> Much love <3

 Kylo

_“Kylo, are you a virgin?”_

The words repeat in my head over and over again like a broken record. Shuffling down the stairs, I run into multiple people ignoring their angry reactions. I need to get out of here. Far away from the one girl that could throw everything I had worked for off track.

Icy wind nips at my bare skin, I push forward unable to stop running like the coward I am.

Heart thundering an unsteady tempo, panting hard my breath creates small clouds of air due to how fucking cold it is. I can’t even remember how I arrived at this party in the first place. All the adrenaline rushing through me is focused on one thing.

_Her_.

Her taste still lingers on my tongue reminding me why I’m running as if Satan was at my heels.

The feel of her lips against mine, a strange sensation that had my thoughts muddling together.

I may have had some meaningless relationships but every time a girl had tried to kiss me on the mouth I pulled away. It wasn’t something I deemed necessary in a relationship. We hung out and I gave them what they wanted. The kissing thing is what I stayed away from.

I don’t know what possessed me to kiss Rey. Her lips had been inches from mine, and then she whispered those two words that had all my walls crumbling down around me. _“You’re lonely.”_

_So fucking lonely._

All my life I had been cast aside.

By my parents who didn’t want to raise a kid with ADHD.

By Luke who threw me to the wolves, letting me fend for myself.

By my team who only saw me as the guy with anger issues.

By society in a whole, never accepting the weird kid that couldn’t stop moving, jumped from topic to topic, and never could pay attention for more than a minute.

I wanted to feel like I belonged and wasn’t just a waste of space.

Rey saw right through me, able to see how lonely I am. What scared me most was that when I pressed my lips to hers, I knew she could burrow her way into my heart if she really wanted to.

I couldn’t let that happen.

I was meant to be alone.

I’m not capable of love.

***

“I don’t understand why you think you have to shut us out, Ben.”

“It’s Kylo,” I say through gritted teeth curling the hundred-pound weight over and over again in my free hand.

My mom scoffs. I can practically see her waving her hand coolly in front of her face, waving me off like I’m a dumbass for choosing a name that is not my own. “I will not call you that atrocious name. You are still my son and my son’s name is Ben.”

Slamming the weight down I stand up beginning to pace back and forth. A habit that I picked up when I get overwhelmed by the daily bullshit of life and this conversation was without doubt bullshit.

“It’s my fucking name now, mom. I legally changed it at eighteen if you’ve forgotten.”

“I will never believe you did that. Ben was a perfectly decent name and you know it. This whole thing was out of spite to get back at your father and me.”

“You both fucking _abandoned_ me! You didn’t want to raise a kid that had issues. You both hated how much I fidgeted and couldn’t focus on one thing at a time. You wanted a kid that would be classified as normal and then you got a kid so far from that you didn’t know what to do. Your perfect life blew up in your face and you took that out on me. Yes, I’m a fucking troublemaker and I still have issues but I didn’t deserve to be cast aside because I’m different. I am _not_ your fucking son.”

My chest is rising and falling hard, breath ragged once I finish talking.

“We never pretended to be perfect. At the time we thought the best thing for you was a change of pace and Luke was the only one we thought could help you. He is more understanding than us. It’s not like we ever stopped loving you. You are our son and there is nothing you can do about that.”

“Luke is a fucking recluse! A _hermit_! He didn’t know the first thing about taking care of a kid. Yeah, everything was fun at first until I realized I’m still an outcast here. I will always be a loner no matter where I go. I needed a family, I needed love, and none of you gave that to me. I am so fucked up in the head I can’t even keep the one thing I’ve ever wanted in this life.” I bite out; an ache starts in my chest and extends throughout my body.

“You can go on and on about the past but unfortunately it can’t be unwritten. All you can do now is learn how to forgive or forget. Harboring all these ill feelings will only make you angrier. I know what your dad and I did could be considered unforgivable but we love you. We always have and we always will. We messed up and for that, I am so terribly sorry.”

“I have to go.”

“Ben, please, stay in touch. We miss you.”

“Bye, mom.”

I don’t wait for her reply pressing the end button. Tossing the phone on my desk, I choose to forget.

***

“I didn’t expect to see you tonight,” Poe says bringing his pipe to his lips.

I’m already on my fifth joint, the bottle of whiskey I brought half empty. My body feels lighter than air, head swirling around in the clouds. I lazily smile at Poe, a feat all on its own.

“Needed to relieve some stress,” I murmur a hundred percent sure my words are slurring together.

I’m at Poe’s house after deciding to turn up to his small get-together. It was mostly guys from the rugby team, a few jock chasers that hung around the rugby players hoping they’d be more than a quick fuck and a handful of random people that I probably would recognize if I was more on the sober side.

“Is it because of that girl?”

“Girl?” I mutter bringing the whiskey bottle to my lips taking a heavy pull of it.

“Yes, the one that you always seem to be talking to whenever I see you.”

I let out a harsh breath, leaning back against the couch. “She’s nobody.”

Poe quirks a brow at me, staring at me knowing eyes. “Nobody? She didn’t look like nobody when you rushed up the stairs with her in tow.”

“She’s fucking nobody,” I quip rubbing a palm back and forth on my jeans.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, Kylo. I know you don’t like getting too close to people but I’m not going to burn you or betray you or whatever the fuck has you so uptight. I consider us friends. Do you not?”

I huff out a frustrated breath. “Sure. We’re friends.”

His eyes roll. “That was totally convincing. C’mon Kylo, we’ve known each other for five years now. Don’t you think it’s about time you start trusting somebody other than yourself?”

Even in my drunken state, the words seep in. It’s true. Poe had been the first person I met when I came to the university at eighteen riding the high of actually being good at something. Since then he has been a reliable person in my life. He’s never been one to push for answers. He knows the simple things like I moved here when I was thirteen and lived with an introverted hermit due to my parents not wanting to take care of me but other than that I had been radio silent with him.

The whole trusting people had never been my strong suit.

“I have ADHD. I am also prone to panic and anxiety attacks. I have to take medication just to stay sane but then I drink and smoke so it tends to all mix together making me that less capable of managing the day to day life. The most peace of mind I get is when I’m on that field. All the bullshit fades away and I feel like I have a purpose.

“I’m just the fucking weirdo that nobody wants to talk to because on top of everything I have a temper all due to the fact I have abandonment issues. I can’t move on from the past. I’m stuck and then Rey comes bounding into my life throwing a curveball in my direction. I’ve never felt that way with a girl before. She drives me crazy and I can’t figure out if I like it or not.”

“Kylo, you have nothing to be ashamed about. You are not a weirdo. You just never give people the chance to get to know the real you. You’re a good guy when you’re not hating the world so vehemently. If you like this girl then you have to treat her right, if you’re moping about her then I know for a fact you have treated her the way you treat mostly everyone. She seems like a nice girl. Don’t break her heart because you can’t move past your pride.”

I don’t have a chance to respond, instead, Finn’s voice echoes in my head when he shouts a familiar name. “Rey!”

Snuffing the joint out I place the bottle of whiskey back on the table not wanting to spill it. My hands were trembling; I could see Poe detecting the shift.

Placing my back flush against the couch I clasped my hands behind my neck. Reciting over and over in my head again that I was fine.

I was _not_ fucking fine.

“Relax, Kylo.” Poe’s voice was calm, almost soothing.

Still, my heart thundered like a freight train dipping down into my stomach creating a swirl of tension in the pit of it. I had worn a sleeveless shirt tonight thankful for the air conditioning chilling the bare skin of my arms now that I had broken out into a sweat. My knee bounced furiously, nerves eating at me.

“Kylo, everything is cool. Just take deep breaths.”

I breathe in raggedly, throat feeling constricted. The last time I had seen Rey I was running out of the room after tasting her. She had called me out on my virginity and I ran because I was a coward. I could only hope she wouldn’t notice me, not tonight.

Her voice draws closer, my eyes remain fixed on the ground. Doing everything to calm my erratic breathing.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Finn asks.

“A beer for me and how about you Rey?” Finn’s girlfriend asked I presume. I hadn’t really paid attention to her much. I only knew she was a friend of Rey and Finn’s new squeeze. Her name unknown.

“I’ll take whiskey on the rocks.” I am shocked to hear the request. When the hell had she started drinking the same stuff as me?

“Whiskey? I didn’t know you liked that.”

“I guess I’ve acquired a taste for it.”

My cock twitched. Heart slowing just a tad with the knowledge that I did have some kind of an effect on Rey.

Poe smirks at me. “So, it seems this love affair isn’t just one-sided.”

“It’s not a fucking affair,” I grumble reaching for the bottle of whiskey, hands still slightly trembling.

“She drinks whiskey now? You’re the only one I know who drinks fucking whiskey, Kylo. She just so happened to be hanging around you all the time, probably with her tongue down your throat a couple times for her to acquire such a taste for that toxic shit.”

Glaring at him I take a pull off the bottle, a bit trickling down my chin in the process. Setting the bottle down, I manage to make eye contact with Rey right as I’m wiping the mess off my face with the back of my hand.

Even from where I sit I see the swirl of emotion in her hazel eyes. My breath hitches at just how intense she is, how she makes me want to be a normal guy that can give her the world. Dressed in jeans and a white blouse that outlines her perfect figure. Her hair falls in waves around her face and I crave the feeling of threading my fingers through the soft strands. Remembering her lips against mine.

Tearing my gaze from hers I reach for the joint sparking it back up. Finn plops down next to Poe a moment later wrapping his arm around his shoulder. Poe smiles passing the bong to Finn who takes it with a delighted look on his face. His girlfriend sits down next to him, giggling over something on her phone. Then, of course, the last one to follow is Rey but there is no room on the other couch, only a spot next to me.

She bites down on her bottom lip, squeezing tighter to the glass in her hand. Reluctantly she moves past me, her strawberry scent filling the air as she sits down on the couch. It hardly dips under her weight. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, still tugging on her lip.

“You really need to venture into the sun, Kylo,” Finn commented staring straight at me. Indefinitely all eyes were now on me.

Forcing a smirk on my face, I tried to remain indifferent to the fact Rey was much too close to me.

“I’d rather not.” I simply say extending my arms across the back of the couch. My hands tremble, clutching to the couch helps to steady them.

“Yes, you’d rather live as a vampire.”

I shrug my shoulders. “I guess so.”

“That’s what you should have been for Halloween.” Poe intervenes.

“There’s always next year,” I murmur grabbing my whiskey noticing that Rey is peering over at me under long lashes. She realizes she’s been caught, gracefully bringing the glass to her lips taking a sip of the amber liquid. I drink right out of the bottle gazing at her with carnal need.

Hazel eyes flicker up to meet mine. She shudders, lips parting sending a jolt straight to my cock.

Surprisingly, she finishes off the whiskey in one go. The glass now empty, I stare at the ice that causes condensation on the outside of it. Without bothering to think about what the fuck I was doing I moved closer to her. Her breath quickened, biting hard on her bottom lip.

“Want more?” I rasped. Our eyes still locked on one another.

She nodded, raising the glass towards me. Tipping the almost empty bottle I filled her drink back up.

“Thank you.” She whispered shyly. I don’t know why seeing her act all innocent turned me on like no other. My cock went rigid hearing her breathy whisper, purity radiating all around her. I wanted to corrupt her. Make her mine.

I wanted to hear her moaning beneath me, begging for more.

“Ah, I see why you suddenly like whiskey.” The girl chortled.

“Rose,” Rey warns giving her a death glare.

“Hey, I’m only being honest. You have never liked anything stronger than vodka or beer.”

Rey flushes bright red under everyone’s scrutiny. “It’s called trying new things.”

“Sure, it is.” Rose sarcastically says leaning her head on Finn’s shoulder. Poe is scrolling through his phone acting like he isn’t eating up this conversation.

“Why else would I be drinking whiskey?”

“Because your lover boy is.” Rose’s brows wiggle, winking at the both of us.

I feel like I’ve been doused in gasoline and set aflame. Poe had been right in his assumption that the only reason Rey drank the whiskey was because of me. Her friend making the same accusation.

Rey stands abruptly slamming her whiskey on the table she begins to leave without speaking a word to any of us.

“I guess I went too far,” Rose croaked covering her mouth with her hand.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Finn grumbled eyeing me with a wary look.

The front door slammed jolting me out of my surprised stupor. I’m on my feet ignoring the confused way Finn calls after me. It is fucking freezing when I run outside searching for Rey, for a sign to which direction she went in.

I look left managing to see her in the dim light of the streetlamps. Racing after her I move in front of her halting her in her step. She glares at me, her eyes twin daggers.

“I know I’m a fucking asshole. I never meant to hurt you though, Rey. I can honestly say it’s not you, it’s me. I’m all kinds of fucked up in the head. You make me feel things that scare the living hell out of me. I don’t know how to process what I’m feeling. What I do know is that I want you. I want you so bad I’m prepared to bow before you and beg that you give me a second chance,” I rapidly say sucking in a ragged breath, moving closer to her.

I reach out hoping she doesn’t pull away from me, my palm touches the smooth skin of her cheek. Heating my blood instantly.

I angled my body towards her, darting my eyes to the hollow of her throat where a little to the left her pulse thundered hard.

My thumb traces the skin along her jaw as I lean in my mouth near her ear, warming the spot and feeling her shudder under my grasp.

“Yes, I’m a virgin,” I confess pressing a kiss right below her ear.

She swallows. “Kylo, I want my first time to be with you.”

I breathe out a laugh. “You want to be with a guy that doesn’t even know what to do with his cock?”

She gasps at my crudeness. I pull away just enough to see the embarrassment on her golden, freckled skin. It’s a sight to behold.

“We can figure it out together, right?” She peers up at me underneath her lashes making me weak in the knees.

“Yeah, together.”

***

Grabbing her waist I haul her into my arms, her chest presses against mine. I stare at her in a way that I know I have never looked at another girl in this way before. A smile creeps onto her face, lighting up her eyes. I’m fucking smitten with just a look.

Unable to hold back I crush my mouth to hers. She reaches up, wrapping her arms around my neck, holding me that much closer to her. I lower her onto my bed, holding the nape of her neck kissing her with a desperation born from the lust I had for her.

Liquid warmth spreads through my body. All my focus on the little girl beneath me, the way she tastes like strawberries and pure temptation. Soft moans escaping the back of her throat sufficing to make me hard as steel. She made me crazy with how much I wanted her. When she was in my arms nothing seemed to matter anymore. All I cared about was that she was allowing me to kiss her lush lips.

My tongue glides along hers, her back arches closing the small space that separated us. Dropping my hips I rubbed my clothed cock against the warm space between her thighs. She sucks hard on my tongue; I let out a longing groan, weaving my fingers into her hair giving the thick locks a tug. I’m rewarded with a sharp intake of air, her hips rolling to meet mine.

Her legs wrapped around my hips, lifting herself towards me.

“Kylo, I don’t think I’m ready to go all the way,” she pants into my mouth.

Feverishly I rotate my hips against her; my fingers tighten in her hair. “Okay,” I stutter out, attacking her already swollen lips. She yields to my kiss, whimpering into my mouth. I licked past her teeth tasting the sweetness on her tongue. My body shivered, I moved my mouth harder against hers. I needed all of her, an all-consuming feeling to be inside of her washing over me.

“We should stop,” I grunt moving to get off of her.

“Just the tip.”

“What?” I ask confused as to what the hell she is implying.

“Just put the tip in,” she repeated a slight tremor to her voice.

She reached in between our bodies unbuttoning her pants, shoving them past her hips. Going back on my haunches I watch her wiggle out of the material, grabbing the back of my shirt with one hand I haul it up and over my head. Rey tosses her shirt off to the side along with her pants, scantily clad in a matching underwear set.

Red lace that made my blood heat.

Her eyes rake over my body making me grow harder.

“You want me to put the tip of my cock in you?” I ask again still not entirely grasping the situation.

“Yes…daddy,” she stammered.

“Ah, _fuck_ me,” I growl shoving her panties to the side unbuttoning my pants with one hand, dragging the zipper down and pushed my pants down just enough to free my cock.

“You scared of my cock, little girl?”

Her brows furrow in need. A sweet sound escaping her parted lips. “It’s so big. I don’t think it will fit.” She is breathless, sending a spark through my middle.

“I can put the tip in though right?”

“Yes, daddy.” She arches towards me; my cock slips through the needy wet patch between her thighs. I almost come just from that.

Growling I shed myself completely of my jeans moving back between her thighs I tug her underwear down and off. Skimming my hands underneath her hips pulling her closer to me, remaining sitting on my haunches. Once I adjust myself, I hooked my hands on the underside of her knees folding her legs up so the back of her thighs touches her chest.

My cock slips back and forth through her slit, the tip bumping her clit causing her to cry out in rapture.

Grabbing my cock I guide the tip to where she is soaked. I slide in slow and steady even though I’m trembling and sweating profusely. Her walls flutter around me, so fucking tight I have to bite down a whimper.

I’m only a couple inches deep not daring to push past the barrier no matter how much I want to. I let go of her knees letting the back of her thighs land on top of mine, spreading my legs further thanking rugby for my flexibility.

I grip her waist, my breath exploding from between my teeth while I basked in the feel of being with her like this.

“Kylo, you’re so big,” she laughed nervously the movement making her clench around me.

“Damn it, Rey. You can’t do that.” I groan pulling out completely only to push the same amount of inches back inside.

Oh _fuck_ , that felt _so_ good.

“I want you to come inside me,” Rey moans tossing her head back. Her tits look amazing in the red lace but I want to see the golden skin that lies beneath.

I splay a palm on her lower back keeping her arched, undoing her bra with the other tugging it off. My lips wrap around one dusky nipple sucking a little too eagerly. Sliding just the tip inside of her with barely constrained control.

My tongue circles her nipple, moving to the other to give it the same attention. Her fingers tangled in my hair, I groaned around her nipple relishing the sharp pain that accompanied the dig of her nails into my scalp.

Skimming my hands along her sides down to her hips I pump her on and off the couple inches buried inside her tight channel. I’m desperate to thrust home but I like her way too much to betray her trust in me.

I use her hips to leverage myself, ensuring I don’t go too deep. Her hands clasp onto my jaw tugging my mouth to hers. My breathing hastened, right hand dropping to her thigh hiking it up further on my hip. Her tongue laps into my mouth, my hips stutter, and I sink a little too far. We both pull our lips apart on a gasp.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” I pull out all the way, shoving a hand through my shaggy locks.

“No, it’s okay,” Rey rushes out.

“I got carried away. You’re just so fucking tight and wet. I want to thrust all the way in and pound you into the bed until you pass out. _Fuck_ , I’m talking crazy.”

“Do it.”

“Rey, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Please, Kylo. I _want_ you to hurt me,” she begs and I’m done for.

I’ll give her anything she wants.

Fucking anything.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO


	6. Sound Meets Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And baby, tonight  
> I see your lips are on fire and life is wine  
> Now the windows are open, the moon is so bright  
> Cause no one can tell us what love brings for you and I."  
> -Interpol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love I've received on this story! It means the world to me <3
> 
> Much love <3333

Kylo

"Please, Kylo. I _want_ you to hurt me," she begs and I'm done for.

I'll give her anything she wants.

Fucking anything.

My lips collide with hers in a frantic kiss that has us panting into each other's mouths hard and fast. Her hand splays out on my chest, my heart thrums under her fingers, an unsteady tempo that has me feeling like it's about to explode.

Her lips move in time with mine, she tastes like fucking heaven. I have only known the taste of hell, all I've ever felt is cold and indifferent to the world until this moment lying here in her arms.

She feels like a dream, my heart is overflowing with a feeling I've never known before. I'm so fucking confused, the emotions racing through me both tortuous and amazing at the same time. I don't think I'll ever be the same after being with her.

Her hand reaches up, warm fingers threading through the strands at the nape of my neck pulling me closer. Her tongue glides along my own. I involuntarily make a noise at the back of my throat. My face heats for an entirely different reason embarrassed that I sound like a fucking idiot.

I'm about to pull away until she tugs hard on my hair. "Don't you dare stop now," she whispers against my lips.

My hand dips between our bodies finding her entrance. She struggles for breath when I glide my fingers back and forth over the area that she practically begged for me to fill up. My cock swells more when I sink two fingers inside, her walls flutter around the intrusion, head falling back as she tries to breathe.

I'm so worked up I'm surprised I haven't thrust home yet. Yet, something keeps holding me back. I've never given much thought to hurting people; it has always been something that was easy for me to do. With Rey, it's a different story. I want her to be warmed up enough so that when I do slide my cock inside her there will be limited pain.

I begin to slowly work my fingers in and out of her, my lips find the hollow of her throat gliding over to her pulse point. Sucking the spot hard enough for her to moan in both ecstasy and affliction.

My thumb circles her clit, she squirms underneath me. Her breath has quickened, chest rising and falling in rampant need.

"Kylo, please, I _need_ you," she stutters, her breath is hot near my ear.

"I don't want to hurt you," I murmur licking a strip up the side of her neck, biting down gently on her jaw. Another finger joins the other two and she cries out.

"That hurts," she hisses. I try to tamper down my laugh at her just saying moments ago she needed me.

"If you can't handle three of my fingers do you really think you're going to be able to handle my entire cock?"

She scowls at me, exhaling a ragged breath before letting her head fall back, eyes closing.

"Just relax." I start to spread my fingers, stretching her out just enough that I can fit inside without much resistance. I lower my mouth to one taut nipple, rolling it between my teeth. Teasing her relentlessly. I suck hard on the peak, reveling in the way her entire body tastes sweet like strawberries.

"Oh fuck," she whimpers tugging hard on my hair. My free hand gives attention to her other nipple-pinching and twisting, savoring the way she is thrusting down on my fingers at a pace that is sure to get her off.

A low groan escapes from my chest when she clenches hard on my fingers, her climax drenches my fingers. I gently remove my fingers, bringing them to my mouth sucking her taste off of them ravenously. Hazel eyes widened at seeing me do such a raunchy thing.

I run the remaining slick along my cock, dragging my hand back and forth roughly along it.

"You are a fucking dream," I say watching her staring at me, cheeks rosy, and lips parted deliciously. One of these days I hope to feel her lips around my cock.

I'm starting to realize I don't want this to be a one-off. I want to get to know this girl. I need to know everything about her.

She is the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on. Hazel eyes that are a swirl of colors that never hide what she is feeling. A button nose lined with freckles and lips that feel so fucking perfect against my own. I'm a goner for her body. Breasts that are a perfect handful, lean little waist, strong thighs, and a tight ass that I can't keep my hands off of.

 I didn't know if she would have freckles everywhere but I was not disappointed to find out they traveled all over her body. Her skin is an even golden color that contrasts against my pale skin. I don't know why it turns me on so much to see the differences between us. She is perfect and I am flawed in every form of the word, yet, she makes me feel like I'm not just a scumbag floating through life without a purpose.

I stopped stroking myself, one hand propping me up so I don't crush her while the other cupped the side of her jaw. Our eyes locked, something passes between us. We both shudder. I lean down until my lips are hovering over hers.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask, my voice sounding nothing like myself. It is deeper, a rumble that is laced with yearning.

Her hand trembles grasping onto my wrist softly. "I want this. I want _you_ , Kylo."

I press a chaste kiss to her lips. "I don't want to be lonely anymore, Rey."

"You're not alone. I'm here."

"But for how long?"

Her brows knit in confusion. "What do you mean?"

I shake my head. "It's nothing. Forget I said anything."

I reach between our bodies grabbing my cock aligning the tip with her still dripping entrance.

"Kylo, I need to know what you meant." Her voice comes out strained due to what is happening down below.

"I'm just being a fucking idiot. Forget about it." I pant feeling her opening part around my cock.

She is about to protest further. I shut her up by crushing my lips against hers. My brain lit on fire, warmth spreading throughout my body. Her kiss did that to me. It only made my blood heat more when she deepened it. This kiss was the start of something that would either destroy me or give me something that I never knew before.

No one has kissed me like this, hell no one had ever kissed me before, but I knew that I didn't want to ever feel the lips of another on mine. I could live the rest of my life kissing Rey's sweet lips and die a happy man. That knowledge makes my heart clench hard inside my chest. Am I in love with her? There is no fucking way I can already love her. We hardly know each other, and yet, she is kissing me so passionately that my heart stutters.

Oh _fuck_ , I _do_ love her.

_I'm in fucking love._

My fingers thread through her hair, desperate to be closer to her. With a slow roll of my pelvis, I begin to shallowly thrust inside her tight channel. She claws at my back, digging her blunt nails in, no doubt breaking the skin. I revel in the pain. If I'm hurting her, she has every right to hurt me right back.

This feels incredible. I'm getting lost in the sensation of being inside her but not entirely. A slow torment that I don't know how long I can keep it up. Her legs wrap around my waist, heels digging in.

"Please, Kylo, take me," she pants pressing hurried kisses along my jaw down to my neck.

Gritting my teeth, my cock meets resistance, without a second thought, I impale past the barrier. I see fucking stars and through my haze, I hear her whimpering.

"I'm so sorry," I repeat over and over again. She is tight, too tight if I'm being completely honest. Clenching around my cock to the point I'm sure I'm about to come any second. I had no idea it would feel this good. I'm fucking lost right now. I don't even know what to do.

I remain still pressing shaky kisses against her parted lips. Sweat skates down my spine, down the side of my face, and lands on her. If she cares she doesn't say anything. Her eyes are closed tight as if she is blocking out the pain or the sight of me. I hope she doesn't hate me. This must feel terrible for her. I'm over here feeling like I just made my way through the gates of heaven and she is lying in hell beneath me _because_ of me.

"Rey, please say something, I'm going crazy," I beg, her breath heats my lips. My heart beats rapidly, anxiety creeping in making me believe I just made the worst mistake of my life. The moment seems to last a lifetime.

"I'm okay," she hushes out. "You're just not small whatsoever, Kylo. I feel like someone just rammed a steel rod in me."

 “I'm _so_ fucking sorry, Rey. _Please_ don't fucking hate me." My heart sinks into my stomach, hands gripping the side of her face harder. I press my forehead against hers, wishing someone would come and drag me to hell where I belonged for ever daring to hurt this precious girl.

"Don't be sorry. This is what was bound to happen, just go slow," she murmurs.

"I don't even want to move," I confess, afraid that if I do move I'm going to ruin her even more than I already did.

" _Please_ , Kylo. I _need_ you to fuck me."

I shudder at her dirty words. She is impossibly tight when I move inside of her, slow, measured thrusts that drive me insane with the desire to pound into her. She gasps as I rock into her, ever-so-gently. Her back arches pressing her soft breasts against my chest. She writhes beneath me, I take it as a sign that she wants more.

Unwinding her legs from around my waist I place them on the underside of her knees, pushing them towards her chest so that I can reach further inside her. She cries out when I hit deep inside of her. My hips stuttered, a choked moan forced from between clenched teeth. I don't think I'm going to last much longer at this point.

"Rey, I'm going to come," I whimper smashing my face into her neck. I'm panting hard against her skin feeling the base of my cock swelling with my impending climax.

"Come inside me," she urges clutching the strands of my hair.

I shouldn't release inside of her. I'm not wearing protection and I have no fucking clue if she is on birth control. I tell myself to pull the fuck out. I'm thrusting at a pace I didn't even know I had the ability to go at and before I'm able to stop myself I groan into the slick skin of her skin, releasing into her tight cunt.

We're both breathing hard, clutching to one another as if our lives depend on it. She lazily strokes the back of my head.

"I'm sorry," I grunt, my face on fire due to how quick I came. She probably thought I was a loser.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I came within three minutes."

Her laugh is as sweet as she is. "You were a virgin, Kylo. I'm not going to judge you."

I place my palms on either side of her head, pushing up so I can look her in the eye. A wide smile is stretched across her face, hair fanning around her. I would like to say I'm instantly hard again due to being a virgin but that's not the reason. It's because Rey is so damn perfect that I want to bury myself in her as many times as she allows me to.

Keeping our eyes locked I pull out to the tip and impale forward with a mighty thrust. Her smile falls, mouth opening wide in surprise. She lets out a shaky breath.

"Are you scared, little girl?"

"No," she says.

I smirk down at her. "I think you're lying."

Her breath catches. "I'm not lying."

"Sure you're not. Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes," she murmurs, red tinting her cheeks.

"I'm going to give you what you want. That little show I did a moment ago was fucking embarrassing. Now, I'm going to show you what it feels like to be fucked until you can feel me in your stomach." I see the surprise etched on her features before I pull out and turn her on stomach pressing her face into the soft material of the sheets. I keep my hand splayed on her cheek, with my free hand I grasp her hip forcing her pert ass in the air.

My cum leaks out of her running down her thigh. My cock grows thick with want at the sight.

"Want me to give it to you hard and fast, baby?"

I massage her ass, giving it a hard smack when she remains quiet. She yelps, body trembling.

"Yes, please, I want it," she rambles wiggling her ass.

I chuckle a dark sound. I use both hands to spread her globes seeing her other virgin hole. She only has two left as far as I know. Rey seems innocent to the point she has never given a blowjob before. I would be the one to take all her virgin holes. The only one if things went my way.

I slowly sink back into her, a low moan expels from her.

"Do you think you can take me, sweet girl?"

"I can try," she stutters, fingers tightening into the sheets beneath her.

"That's a good girl."

I grip her hips tight, spearing my cock into her wet heat relishing the way she cries out my name in pure and utter pleasure.

"Tell me how much you love daddy's cock," I growl thrusting as deep as I can go.

She moans with abandon. "I love daddy's cock, I love it so fucking much!"

 _Fuck_ , she's so perfect.

I'm fucking her like an animal, the sounds of our mating making a dirty sound in the small space. Thankfully we're in my home and that thought makes me harder.

Rey is here in my home letting me fuck her as if I have the right to do so. She is invading my space and I don't mind one fucking bit. I want her scent to linger. I want to wake up next to her and see that brilliant smile of hers. I don't ever want to say another cruel thing to her ever again. I want to make her feel special because she is. She is a woman, not a girl. She deserves everything and I want to give that to her.

I fold at the middle pressing loving kisses down her spine, propelling her on and off my cock. Reaching around I splay a hand on her stomach, I swear I feel the outline of my cock every time I hit deep inside of her but I'm sure I'm just imagining things. My fingers find her clit, rubbing it hard wanting us to both reach our climax together.

I can feel the words at the tip of my tongue as my balls begin to grow tight.

I can't say that to her. Not yet. It will make her run for the hills. I don't want to lose her.

I'm trying to bite them down. Whimpering in my throat, struggling so damn hard not to show her just how much she affects me.

"I'm going to come," Rey gasps thrusting back onto my cock.

" _Yes_ , come for me," I pant biting down on the tender flesh of her shoulder, my fingers circle faster around her clit. My hips slapping hard against her ass, my cock shoved so deep I feel like I'm going to blackout.

"Come with me," she begs, grasping onto my thigh.

She tightens around me and that's enough to spark my release.

"Oh _fuck_ ," I growl reaching underneath her shoulders pulling her back against me. "I fucking love you." I hear her breath hitch and we come hard together.

Pure bliss washes over me. I dig my forehead in between her shoulder blades, desperately trying to catch my breath. Once I begin to relax, I go rigid, the realization of what I said right as I came so hard I saw bright lights explode behind my eyes coming back with a force to be reckoned with.

"Rey, I-I." I can't even form words. I told myself that I wouldn't dare say those three words. Yet, my clouded brain didn't process that.

I let go of her, slipping my cock out of her with a low groan.

I roll on my back, she lies on her side staring at me. Biting down on my lip I thread my fingers behind my head avoiding eye contact.

"Kylo, look at me."

"Rey, what I said, that was-" I shake my head, snapping my mouth shut. The words wouldn't be the truth anyway.

" _Please_ , look at me."

With strained movements, I finally meet her intense gaze. "You don't have to feel ashamed for what you said."

I scoff. "Of course I'm ashamed, Rey. There was never a point in this bizarre relationship of ours that said I was allowed to fall in love with you. I understand if you don't feel the same. I'm not going to force you to say it back. I guess I didn't even realize how deep my feelings for you run. I'm sorry."

She is on top of me in seconds, straddling my hips. "Rey-" I'm unable to finish my sentence because she's cradling my jaw in her hands, lips pressed hard against mine. Her tongue runs along the seam of my lips and I give in allowing her to delve inside. Our lips and tongues move in sync for what feels like hours until we break apart to catch our breath.

"Just give me time, please, the whole love topic scares me."

A lazy smile crawls along my face. "I'm willing to wait, Rey."

She smiles back. "Thank you."

We fall asleep, she wrapped in my arms.

Maybe just maybe I can be happy in this life.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a new story out! Based on pirates ;)
> 
> I would love it if you all check it out <3333
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> XOXOXO


	7. Wild Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well, everything has changed  
> And now it's only you that matters  
> I will find any way to your wild heart."  
> -Bleachers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me on this story! 
> 
> I appreciate all your comments and kind words! I treasure each and every one of them!
> 
> Much love <3

Kylo

I'm smiling.

Kylo- _fucking_ -Ren does not smile, yet, I can't help myself. After the events that transpired between Rey and me, I haven't been the same asshole I usually am. My teammates have noticed the switch, my happy disposition something they are not used to. I hardly laugh at any of the jokes they spout but lately, I find myself cracking up at everything.

I even apologized to Hux for being a complete dick to him and for kicking the living shit out of him. To say he didn't quite believe me is an understatement. He stood there laughing in my face for a good five minutes straight before he flipped me the bird and stalked off. Instead of being offended I took it in stride, eventually, the red-headed fuck would warm up to me.

"You're smiling again," Poe says coming up to stand beside me joining in on the stretches I'm currently doing.

"And?" I ask crossing an arm over my chest.

He shakes his head, laughing as he does so. "You are the last person on this earth I would expect to be smiling like he just won the lottery. If I didn't think it to be completely absurd, I would say you are in love."

I sputter, face bathed in heat. " _Love_? Are you crazy? I hardly know the girl."

My voice sounds strained, the lie so obvious Poe quirks a dark brow at me, pinning me with a look that screams at me I'm a terrible liar. Heaving a sigh I slump onto the nearby bench, thrusting my fingers through my shaggy hair, giving it a tug.

"I love her and it is driving me completely batshit crazy."

Poe plops down next to me. "That's love. It does crazy things to people."

"I don't want to feel like this," I mutter. "I actually fucking confessed I loved her when I was inside her. I thought it was just an in the moment fuck up but now that we've been texting constantly for the past week, I know that I actually am in love with her. She makes me feel things I never thought I could feel. She didn't even say it back though."

Sliding my palms over my face, I let out a groan unable to live with the fact I made a complete fool of myself.

"You just have to give her time. As you said, you two hardly know each other just yet."

"I shouldn't have confessed. Now, that thought probably hovers over her head. It's probably why we haven't even seen each other for a week since we had sex."

"You both have finals, it's normal for this to happen during college. Don't fret so much, buddy. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to. You just have to be patient."

"Patience has never my strong suit," I mumble lacing my fingers together in front of me.

Poe clasps a hand on my shoulder giving me a slight shake. "Trust me. Your patience will pay off. The girl likes you. All you have to do is give her the time she needs to warm up to you."

Poe is right, it sucks that he is, but I know I have to heed his advice. I can't push her into something she doesn't want, I have to give her space, and the time she needs.

Getting on my feet, I decide to burn some much-needed energy. Twelve miles later I head back to my place and wash off the sweat I've accumulated. Rey flits into my mind, her hazel eyes gazing up at me, pink lips curling into a smile, my own lips pressed against her golden skin. Her soft pants, the way her body writhed underneath mine desperate for something only I could give her at that moment.

Pressing my forehead against the tile wall, I wrap my hand around my growing length giving it a tight squeeze.

"Damn it, I fucking need her." Panting into the small space, I stroke myself wishing I was sinking into the warmth of Rey. She had been so damn tight, so fucking wet around my swollen cock. It had been agony to not thrust away once I had entered her tight heat. Somehow I maintained control, heart breaking at hearing her pained whimpers. I didn't want to hurt her, she just felt so amazing I had to have her, had to know what it felt like to get lost in a girl.

My thumb spreads the liquid beading at my tip all around only sufficing to make me crave so much more. I needed her lips pressed against my own, my cock pounding into her over and over again to the point we both forgot our own names. I wanted to kiss every perfect freckle on her velvet skin. Feel the weight of her breasts in either hand as I took what I wanted, no, what I needed.

The way she chanted that filthy, fucking word- _daddy_ -so many times I thought I was going to lose my head. I didn't understand how a simple word could turn me on so damn much. I was painfully hard thrusting into her from behind, even though just moments before I had come within three minutes like the virgin I had been. She had me instantly back to full mass with the way she called out that kinky name.

I missed her. _Fuck_ , I missed her so much.

Jacking off to the thought of her would never be enough. Nothing could beat having her perfect body in my arms, feeling her writhe under me, begging for my cock.

I cum all over my hand to the thought of her lips against my own. Growling, I slam a palm against the tile. How had this happened? I had been a lone wolf all my life, perfectly content with keeping everyone at a distance. Rey had thrown all that to shit. I couldn't envision my life without her in it.

I wish someone had told me how shitty love would feel.

Maybe then I could have avoided it like the plague.

Now, it's too late.

I'm in too fucking deep.

***

Rey

I should be focusing on finishing this English paper, it’s due at midnight and I'm only a couple pages in, another six to go. Taking a look at the time, I groan when it shines ten pm back at me. Rubbing my temples I try to stop thinking about the guy I lost my virginity to, the same one that confessed in a breathy whimper that he loved me. All I saw was stars in that moment and the overwhelming feeling of being wanted.

Kylo is a completely different person when in the thralls of passion. His eyes burn with longing, desire, a torment that can't be explained. My fingertips felt aflame landing on his heated skin, turning my body hot from the inside out. I never thought I could want something so bad until Kylo weaseled his way into my life. I couldn't stop thinking about his soft pants or the way his lips moved against mine, tantalizingly and needy. Outside of bed, he wore a front that he is tough shit, but that's just one side of Kylo. The others are worth getting to know.

I honestly _might_ be in love with the asshole too.

Smacking my forehead on the table I let out an exasperated sigh. I'm not entirely sure how I can possibly love the guy. He has been nothing but boorish, his sharp tongue getting him into more trouble than good. He was cruel to me from the start, making absurd accusations when he knew absolutely nothing about me.

Still, I think about the sadness that shone in his dark orbs. Lonely, Kylo was so lonely. Even now, I remember the way he said those exact words against my lips, desperate for me to give him something, anything, that would make him feel less alone.

I may know what Kylo feels like inside of me, the way his face morphs into one of disbelief when he reaches climax, and the way his lips feel pressed against mine but I still know nothing about his past. I don't know why he is so conflicted, what scares me is that I _want_ to know why.

"I am in love," I mutter helplessly.

It had been a week since we last saw each other. That is mostly my fault. I hated to shun him but I needed time to think. I had not been expecting for him to drop the love bomb over me and now I understood why he did so. There is something between us that cannot be denied. A pull that I feel in my heart, telling me that I must see where things will go with him. Our love story may have started with a mixture of hate and disgust, all that changing due to pure, unadulterated lust. Picking up my phone I find him in my messages, typing up a quick message if we could get together tomorrow.

I wait patiently, finishing the rest of my essay by eleven-thirty, submitting it with a sigh of relief. My phone chimes signaling a text. Biting my lip I pick it up to see an address to a pizza place and him asking if 7 worked for me. I type a quick reply that I will see him then.

If things were going to work between us, I had to learn more about him. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach making it almost impossible to fall asleep. I shouldn't be so nervous to see him but not seeing your crush for a week does that to a person. Counting sheep in my head I finally drift off to sleep, hoping tomorrow went well.

***

Dressed in denim jeans, a white blouse, and my favorite boots I make my way into the pizza parlor, the intoxicating smell hitting me like a bus. There are a few couples talking in hushed whispers as well as a family with two rambunctious toddlers, other than that it is fairly empty.

My eyes latched to where Kylo sits in a booth. From here I can see the way his knee bounces up and down. He is worrying his bottom lip, hands seeming to not know what to do, tapping nervously on the table. He fidgets accidentally knocking down the pepper bottle. I stifle a giggle behind my hand drawing closer to him. He curses under his breath, sweeping the spilled pepper into a napkin.

"Hey Kylo," I say amused by his nervous antics.

He jumps a little in his seat, head whipping up to see me. His cheeks are bathed in red, a sight I'm not used to seeing when it comes to the brooding brute. He seems perplexed; it takes a lot not to tease him for how cute he is acting right now. He steps out of the booth standing to his full height. I admire the way the black Henley stretches across his burly chest. He is so damn bulky it still surprises me that he didn't crush me under his weight.

He smoothes his hair back with one hand. "Hey, Rey. I'm glad you could make it."

"I'm kind of the one who wanted to meet up," I tease unable to help myself. 

"That's true." A nervous laugh escapes him. Suddenly he leans down placing a chaste kiss against my cheek. It's my turn to flood with heat. I almost feel like we're not two adults in college, instead, it feels like we are teenagers going on our first date. "God, I'm so fucking nervous right now," Kylo admits clenching his jaw so hard it looks like it physically pains him.

I trail my fingertips along the tense muscle feeling it relax under my touch. "I'm kind of nervous too. You're not alone," I murmur staring into his soulful eyes. "I'm just really happy to see you, Kylo."

"The feeling is mutual," he rasps shoving his hands into his jean pockets, almost as if he doesn't trust himself not to touch me.

"Let's eat?"

"Yeah, let's eat some motherfucking pizza," he growls sitting back down. I slide in next to him catching him off guard, his subtle flinch giving it away.

"I like how blunt you are." He gives me a strange look, his brow raised.

"No one likes me when I open my mouth, trust me." He lowers his gaze to the menu, scanning over it briefly grabbing the cup of water he must have ordered when he was waiting for me. That meant he had gotten here earlier than the time we agreed on. He guzzles down the rest of the water, placing it back on the table with no grace whatsoever. Kylo was not lying when he said he was nervous.

"That's not true."

Kylo scoffs. "Rey, it's a known fact that I'm an asshole. I treated you like shit because you made me feel something other than cold and miserable. I wanted you and I thought the best way to do that was to act like an adolescent boy and bully you. I'm a first class dick."

"I'm not exactly innocent in this whole scenario. I did egg you on."

He laughs a sound that is low from his chest, rich, and enticing. "You had the right to call me out on my shit. Most people back down, I'm glad you didn't."

Leaning into him, I press a kiss to his cheek, relishing how rough the stubble is against my lips. "I want to know more about you, Kylo. Tell me about yourself."

"Hello, I'm your sever Jim, can I take your order?"

Straightening in his seat, Kylo clears his throat. "Is a supreme okay with you?"

I nod. "Can I also get a corona please?" I ask the waiter, pulling out my ID.

"You got it. Anything else?"

"I'll take a Corona too," Kylo adds.

The waiter smiles, letting us know it would be out within twenty minutes, and he would be right back with our beers. We thank him, an awkward silence settling between us until finally, he speaks after the waiter drops off our beers. He takes a long pull of it, turning his attention to me.

"What do you want to know?"

"Where are you from? I presume you are not from England?"

He shakes his head. "No, I was raised in California."

"What city?"

"Ontario."

"Hmm, never heard of it."

"It's kind of small. Not as well known as Los Angles."

"Now, that is a place I've heard of. So, what brought you to Manchester?"

He hesitates, cupping the nape of his neck. "My Uncle lives out here. My parents thought a change of scenery would help straighten me out."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He lets out a ragged breath, scrubbing a hand over his face. I look at him with a puzzled expression. Whatever it means it is obviously not something that he likes to talk about.

"They thought I was too much to handle. I have ADHD. I have to take medication for it. When I was younger I constantly got into trouble. I tended to lie about taking my meds. At thirteen they finally were fed up with my obnoxious behavior so they sent me to live with my Uncle. He didn't know how to take care of a teenager. It was Rugby that set me straight. I lived for the sport, the blood, the violence; it gave me a sense of purpose. I wound up getting a scholarship all thanks to it so I guess I can't complain."

It makes my blood boil to think any parent would give up on their child when the going gets tough. Especially a child that had difficulty due to something he had no control over.

"I understand how you feel. My parents gave me up for drinking money leaving me in the hands of an unfathomable monster that if I fail any of my classes they will take my scholarship from me, meaning I'd have to go back to him."

Kylo cups my jaw, leaning in so close his hair rubs across my cheek before I feel a soft kiss at the base of my neck. He works his way up to the vein pulsing in my neck, up to my jaw. "I wouldn't let you go back to that man. I would pay for anything you needed."

"You know I wouldn't let you do that for me."

"I fucking would though. Rey, you make me feel like I'm not alone. You know where I'm coming from, you understand me. I want to take care of you. I want to be there for you whenever you need me."

The waiter places the pizza on a stand in the middle of the table, placing a dozen napkins on the table flashing another smile, scurrying off to the next table. Heat radiates off the platter, warming me even more. Kylo's words playing on repeat in my head.

"You make me feel wanted," I blurt out. Steadying my nerves, I take a deep breath and continue. "I hate that my parents abandoned me but I hardly knew them. They are a faint memory in my head. I'm sorry that your parents did what they did to you. I feel like it is worse than what I experienced because you trusted them, after thirteen years you expected them to be there through the ups and downs. I'm sorry they betrayed you."

He grabs my jaw in both hands, tugging me towards him my hand lands on his thigh to steady myself. A look of agony crosses his face. " _Fuck_ , I love you," he growls claiming my lips in a rough kiss. I immediately melt into him, his tongue tangles with mine demanding I submit to him. His fingers thread through my hair, tilting my head at an angle that deepens the kiss. I moan into his mouth, tightening my hold on his thick thigh.

We come up for air, panting into each other's mouth. "I want to go back to your place."

"The pizza?" He grumbles pressing his forehead to mine.

"We'll take it to go."

His eyes darken, with a nod he waves the waiter down, tossing a couple twenties down on the table.

"Keep the change." He tells the waiter not wasting any time in grabbing my hand and taking me home to his bed.

***

Kylo backs me up against his bedroom door. "I want you so bad." He nips at my jaw, placing a gentle kiss right after.

"Then take me," I grumble arching into him, emphasizing how much I want him inside of me.

He directs me to the bed tossing me down unceremoniously, lowering in front of me he rids me of my boots, and with trembling fingers, yanks open the button of my jeans tossing them off to the side.

"Is this what you want? For me to say fuck foreplay and take you like a fucking animal?"

I lick my lips, tugging my shirt over my head exposing my bare chest to him.

"Damn it," he growls tearing his own shirt up and over his head allowing me to see all the perfect lines of his body.

He is breathing hard, watching me like I'm a dream come true. With his eyes still locked on mine, he reaches down between us, the sound of his belt being undone ringing loud in the quiet space.

"Kylo, I want you to fuck me as hard as you can."

His breath hitches, sealing his lips to mine in a frantic meeting of tongue and teeth. I feel his cock against my stomach; his fingers shove the ruined material of my panties to the side sliding through the slick pooled there.

"Always so wet for me, baby girl." His voice is raw, full of barely kempt desire.

The head of his cock replaces his fingers, his eyes find mine knowing I was not prepared for the feeling of him there quite yet. Still partially clothed he pushes all the way inside, one hand supports his weight while the other encircles my neck thumb pressing gently against my thudding pulse. He begins to thrust in and out of me with much surer movements than the previous experience.

It feels like a dream being with him like this. His eyes locked on mine, brows furrowing in a way that tells me he's enjoying the hell out of this. Above all of that, I live for the sounds he makes. Soft pants, strained whimpers, harsh grunts, all of it excited me.

His cock reached places I never thought a cock could go. The few times I had actually tried touching myself I thought my wrist was going to break at the angle I had to put my hand to reach the deep spots. Kylo, effortlessly hit so deep my cervix tended to take a mighty blow but I couldn't lie, the pain felt kind of amazing.

"Where the fuck are you?" He growls, grabbing a handful of my hair yanking my head back to make me look him in the eye.

"What are you talking about?" I hiss knowing full well I did totally get lost in my thoughts right now but I was still thinking about him. He had no reason to be so upset.

"I'm right here, Kylo."

"No, you're a thousand miles from here. Don't fucking lie."

"If you must know I was only thinking about you and how amazing your cock is. I like the sounds and faces you make when you're really enjoying it. I bet my cunt feels _so good_ wrapped around you." I clench hard to prove my point, he jolts thrusting deep, both of us moaning in rapture.

"You're so _fucking_ hot."

"Make me come on your cock, daddy," I beg, swiveling my hips, moving back and forth on his rigid cock. He rocks into me to the same rhythm I'm creating. Both of our lower bodies moving in tandem.

"I fucking can't take it when you call me that," Kylo snarls pressing a bruising kiss to my neck.

"I know you love it." My voice cracks but I don't have it in me to care about that when I'm crawling to climax slowly, yet, so deliciously.

I wrap my arms around his neck as he snakes his arms underneath me holding me so close I can feel his pounding heart.

"I do, I really fucking do." He pants, pulling out to the tip spearing back into me. I cry out tangling my fingers in his hair holding tight. "You drive me crazy, Rey. You're so tight, so damn warm. I can't get enough."

I can feel his hands shaking, one lowers to the small of my back arching me further into him. His hips rocked back and forth, his dick thick and long my walls had to stretch impossibly so to accommodate him. His lips drag down my cheek, pressing fluttering kisses to damp skin.

"It feels so good, Rey. It will only ever feel this good with you, I'm fucking sure of it," he said, his cock impaling so deep I struggle to breathe. He presses harder to my lower back, angling himself so that his pelvic bone grinds into my aching clit. It feels like he grows harder inside me seeing my features twist into pure satisfaction.

I'm losing myself in the sensations surging through every morsel of my body. He pants hard and fast into my neck, smothering me with his ebony hair, still, I don't push him off instead I dig my heels into him urging him to keep going. It is strange to think we lost our virginities barely a week ago and yet he moves his body like he has done this act countless times. As he grinds against my clit, his cock manages to grind against my g-spot creating a feeling I can't figure out if I like it or not.

There is a tension that starts at the base of my spine, he groans feeling my channel begin to tighten around him. He doesn't stop his thrusting, his hips stuttering briefly before he picks up his rhythm pounding into me with a fury that has me screaming out the three words I know he's been waiting for me to say.

"I love you!"

He lets out a choked sound, rocking harder and harder until he stills above me, tipping over the edge with a string of curses escaping parted lips.

He rolled off of me, both of us gaining our breath back after that frantic fucking.

"Did you mean that?" He asks once we still our racing hearts. Rolling onto my side, I stroke his toned bicep, overwhelmed by how much I do mean it, how much I love him.

"Yes."

"You really love me?"

I roll my eyes, dancing my fingertips along his arm to his chest. "Yes, Kylo. I _really_ love you."

He secures me in his strong arms, placing a flurry of kisses across my face, and over my neck. I laugh swatting at him but he ignores the impassioned swat. His voice deep when he speaks next.

"I'm going to marry you, Rey. You better say yes."

His eyes are alight with mischief. It warms my heart to see him happy, the sad look no longer splayed on his handsome face.

"We'll see." I tease knowing full well that if he ever asks I would never be able to say no.

"I love you," he says pressing a tender kiss to my mouth.

"I love you too."

We bask in each other's touch for what feels like forever, falling asleep in each other's arms once exhaustion takes over.

I dream of a white picket fence and Kylo holding a dark-haired baby with golden skin.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XOXO

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments give me life <3


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